Not So Much with the Tender Moments

Ohhhhkay. Downton Abbey, episode 2, Season 4.

If last week's episode reminded us of the good in humanity, this one was quick to point out the darkness.

If you haven't watched this episode and want to get into the series, I'd skip it.

I enjoyed the hustle and bustle of the house being filled with guests and seeing Lady Mary smile again.  Edith's gentleman friend found a way to make himself useful to Lord Grantham.

The darkness I referred to is the assault on the housemaid, Anna, the kindest and most sincere character on the show.  And while I understand that characters must go through trials and that the show is always reminding us that the fantasy of the upper class being isolated from life's realities is sputtering, it was hard to see.  Obviously, we viewers are emotionally invested in Anna, making her victimization all the more cruel.

So I understand that the writer/creator of the show, Julian Fellows is an artiste and must allow life to happen in his world. But I really don't want to deal with life at 9 p.m. on Sunday.  I want happy.  I can handle war and death and unexpected pregnancy and petty jealousies-- yes.    But not evil.

The incident was handled off-screen, but still powerfully horrific.  Anna's cries and screams could be heard as the renowned opera star sung an aura dedicated to love.

The English major in me appreciates the contrast, but it really filled me with dread.

I hate that this character in particular has to face the fall-out of such violence.  Like Mary losing her husband and the good he saw in her, Anna will inevitably lose her some of her faith in others.

And I don't like that.

It's masterful writing.  It's true to life.

Unfortunately, we will in a sin-sick world.  Even beautifully gilded fictional ones like Downton Abbey.

***

Oh, can we talk about our homegirl, Edna?  SIMMER DOWN.  And don't slip Tom a mickey in his drink.  Also, Tom?  Haven't we covered the whole "I'm an outsider" bit?  Remember when Mrs. Hughes bucked you up with her speech?  That you belong?

Say it with me: "You're good enough, you're smart enough, and gosh darnit, people like you." Especially a particular lady's maid.

Please, please don't get entangled and become Edna's baby daddy.  That would be all kinds of awkward.  Thank you for your kind attention to this matter.

***

If you watched, are you in for the rest of the season?  I'm still in.  I'm guessing they'll have to bring back some levity after such a heavy beginning.

Til next Sunday...

A Grown-Up's Christmas

If you are older than about 18, and begin to "do" Christmas (i.e. be in charge of more than your own enjoyment), I believe a portion of it will be stressful.  No matter what.

Am I the only one who gets stressed by the pressure to try to find a sense of calm and holiness in the mad dash and feels guilty that it's not-so-calming?  The pressure to make it magical and holy?  I'm not talking about Santa vs. Happy Birthday Jesus debates.  I just mean, even by trying to make it quiet and intentional and fun, it's still gonna push my limits.

Because I am the same person in the month of December that I am all year long.  But with extra responsibilities, obligations, travel, and money spent.

So unless I say no to every single solitary event, purchase, and memory-making opportunity, I'm going to feel a level of stress.

This is a personal revelation.

I can be proactive and budget for gifts and buy them throughout the year. Or run around like a crazy person like I have every other year.  I can create traditions that embrace the incarnation and the whimsy of childhood memories.  I can cook and clean and host.

And then, when that's done, I can be.

Be in the moment.

The moment a little girl clutches her dolls, a boy starts up his race track, and toddler rolls past on her scooter.

The moment my daughter lifts her lit candle during "Silent Night".

A second later, I'm plunged back into the ordinary.

But that's okay.  That's Christmas.  That's life.

Light piercing the darkness.

So, I didn't have the perfect Christmas.  But this side of eternity, I had a good one.  A real one, with frustrations and fun all mixed together.

I have 11 months to recover. Then I'll be ready to do it again.

Leave a Tender Moment Alone

from pbs.org/masterpiece

Can we talk about Downton Abbey's season premiere?

Yes?

I'll start.

I made a celebratory dip to mark the occasion and settled in to watch.  I think Carson would approve of my sense of decorum and style as I watched the proceedings. Couch, robe, tortillas chips on a plastic plate.

Some recaps I've read dismayed over the lack of "a bang" for the anticipated episode. 

I really enjoyed it. The show is what it is: dignified soap. It has crazy twists: Mathew's miraculous "I can walk!" moment as he rises from his chair like the Phoenix comes to mind. Sudden endings, like Sybil's death, moments after giving birth and Mathew's own departure in a wreck after just seeing his newborn son. Edith's being jilted at the alter. And the always precarious financial state of the Crawley family fortunes.

But what keeps millions coming back, like me, are the touches of authentic emotions--those tender moments.

To wit:

When Mathew's mother, Isobel, obviously devastated, tells Lady Edith, "When you lose your only child, you're not a mother anymore...You're not really anything." Heartbreaking.  And later, to Carson upon helping a sick man getting back on his feet, "You see, I didn't know I had any kindness or energy left. And that's something, isn't it?"  Isobel has always seemed capable and well-meaning, but a bit annoying in her good deed doing.  The small smile she gives Carson after having found some way to be useful-- masterful. True.

The father-daughter dynamic between Carson and Lady Mary:

Both Lord Grantham and his butler are stanch traditionalists and don't intend on changing.  However, Carson can change.  After all, he was Charlie the Entertainer once.  Carson is able to comfort Mary, whereas her father, while obviously loving her, maintains his position as Lord of the Castle, keeping Mary carefully  cocooned from any thing could upset her--having a say in Downton's running, thus upsetting him.

My favorite line, Carson holding Mary: "You cry, milady... You have a good cry.  That's what's needed now. And when you're ready, we can get to work.  Because you are strong enough.  You are strong enough for the task."

Men and fathers, take note.  Charlie Carson's got "How to Comfort and Encourage Your Emotionally Fragile Wife/Daughter" mastered.  I'd copy that verbatim and hand it to my son on his wedding day. That was worth the price of admission here.

I could go on with Edith's transformation into glamour girl (kissing a man in public! So wild!)  But this keyboard keeps erasing my text and it's almost time to resume mom duty.

If I've convinced you, watch the episode here.  If you already watched it, what did you think? 

I may give DA recaps a go, so I'll try to see you back here next week.  I think my diction will be increasingly formal for these!

Pip pip, Cheerio, TTFN.

Home Life & Peep Toe High Heels

Here's some riveting recap of our day-to-day of late:

Be Careful What You Wish For...  I was recently sympathizing with an old neighbor who had sold his motorcycle but got the better end of the deal by marrying his wife and later, welcoming their son.  I retorted that with each child we add to the family, the lowlier Alex's car becomes.  He was driving this cute, new Celica when we were dating; my first gift when we were dating was an audio sermon from Dave Ramsey who eshews new cars and payments and was becoming a household name.  From new Celica to '95 Civic with 200,000 plus miles and white spray paint to cover the chipping car enamel. Well, that faithful car kept me and Sarah safe on the way home from errands a few days before Thanksgiving.  We were plowed into by a thankfully compact car driving without its light on (and a driver with suspended license) and spun into the shoulder.  A fireman was on scene and witnessed the wreck, Sarah was unscathed from our "adventure" and we got a very generous check from the other driver's insurance.  Homeboy is now driving a 2008 Prius that he's been eyeing for awhile but couldn't justify.  We had just upgraded our car seats in that car for the proper weight restraint for each child and the car was hit on the opposite side of Sarah's seat.  That'll remind you in a New York minute that your days are not your own and life in not a random series of events.

3 close peas in a Prius pod

Sleep Cycles and Upticks
October and November threw us all back into the crazy cycle as Jay's sleep cycle regressed.  Add a fall and bruised nose (it checked out fine) to the mix and you've got some cheerful adults.  We are getting back on track sleep wise with J sleeping without interruption (or at least not several interuptions) and the boy is killing it lately in terms of his progress in direction following and showing what he knows.  His OT coached him to write "Christmas Tree" and draw the correct shapes to make a Christmas picture.  I rarely keep kid 'art' long term but he made it himself!  Each letter!  So we are jumping right in there and I'm having him trace the sentences we are reading ("I like my Dad" "I see my dog").  He's been making his numbers and shapes correctly for a while now but he is now able to start taking direction on the size of the letters to make words.  It's a step, but it makes me SO PROUD!  He's learning to read and write just like any other Kindergartner. WOOT!

He can read this!

    A keeper

Mama's Dancing Shoes
My 3 inch kitten heel, peep toe black suede pumps (with sequins, you understand) came out of the closet early this year!  They usually only see the light of day for the annual company party, but they got sprung early for my dear friend's bachelorette party.  We were like, so wild, and made it home by 1 a.m.  You know you're a wild thing when you reference having to make it home to teach 4s choir Sunday evening. And your dear friend "outs" you as a mom of 3 who homeschools.  Mani-pedis and an evening in Virgina Highlands? Oh, I do that all the time.  When I'm not in rushing to the Chik-Fil-A bathroom to avoid an INCIDENT.  In all sincerity, it was such a wonderful reminder of what marriage can be and how blessed we are when the right person enters our life. My friend remarked that dating her now-fiance was easy in light of past dating relationships.  He doesn't leave when there is a disagreement.  He is safe and trustworthy.  He makes her feel secure and special.  He took efforts to surprise and honor her for their engagement.  He loves her and he loves the Lord.  Marriage will be hard, but courtship should be easy!  If I could give advice to unmarried women, it would be this.  If there is strife before a commitment has been made, you are under no obligation to stick it out!  Trust that you are worth something better than second best.  It really is out there.  My sweet friend waited, and she was rewarded!  So, so happy to see this marriage begin a few days before Christmas.

 

The Girls
Rachel is all-out walking in stride and so flat-out beautiful it kills me. I love toddlerhood.  Sarah is my side-kick and keeps us laughing.  She's a pistol. 

Case in point:

Alex:  "I'm gonna bust a cap, fool."
Sarah, without missing a beat: "Don't bust a cap, fool."

This interchange was right before our Advent storytime. 

We laughed like crazy and Christmas hymns were playing in the background and it was a moment you just can't capture. Which says it all to me.

Wishing you unexpected moments this Christmas.

Thoughts from My Recent Hallmark Christmas Movie Binge

I've got reviews of "A Very Married Christmas", "Baby's First Christmas" and "A Very Merry Mix-Up" to add to my authorative look at MFTCM. For now, let these musings inspire you to select a better class of Christmas movie.

Top Ten Life Lessons Learned from Made for TV Christmas Movies:

10. If you are single and someone starts calling you by your first and last name and punches your arm, fellas, watch out. Might be love.

9. If you find yourself with an attractive, bubbly stranger: in a jail, a hospital, with a stray dog, handcuffed to the passenger's seat, or under an assumed identity, watch out. Might be love.

8. If said person loves: antiques, vintage clothing, his/her grandma, his/her grandpa, is estranged from his/her parent(s), is close to his/her parent(s), again. A Christmas love miracle is unfolding before your very eyes.

7. If you have two incredibly handsome suitors vying for your affections, you have a fabulous sense of style, and you are both a strong, capable woman while maintaining a childlike vulnerability just below the surface; girl, you already gone.

6. God/Santa/Fate brings a a lost treasure back into your life: a love note, a handmade clock that stops ticking the minute you first met your amore, your wedding ring you threw away... TRUE LOVE. "True love begins in eternity." You can quote a Very Merry Mix-Up on that.

5. You are dating a plastic dude who wants to remake your life, sell your business, tells his friends you do what he says; just wait. Mr. Wonderful's about to enter, stage right. He's hot and he makes furniture with his own.two.hands. Or rediscovers his benevolent heart. Or rocks a baby. Whatevs. He's perfect.

4. There are no "accidents". Spending the weekend with a family you think is your intended's and instead finding out your new family are not home and hearth people? Hitting an old lady with a swinging door and losing her dog? You are on your way to a job promotion, a home saved for foreclosure, and rediscovering yourself in one fell swoop.

3. It only takes from Thanksgiving to Christmas to change your whole life. Love everlasting? Handled. In 6 weeks or your money back. (Thanks, Lara.)

2. Be with someone who makes you better. Especially if a doorman/police officer/minister/voice of wisdom reminds you that every moment running from the one you love is wasted. (True.)

1. Christmas is magical. Because Faith, Hope and Love are real.