A Lot Can Happen At An Altar

A lot can happen at an altar.

You lay something down.

You pick something up.

You feel pressed down on every side.

You keep coming back.

And one day, that thing that drove you to your knees, it gets turned around.

You see it redeemed.

I have come to the altar many times.  Sometimes I just kneel at my seat, and sometimes, I've stood on my chair, hopped off the back (and tripped ever so elegantly) to run there.

There's no casualness at the altar.

You are all in.


When my son was an infant, I came to the altar, and laid down my pride.  I knew I wasn't up to the task if I had any doubts about my relationship to the One about whom I would be teaching my child.  After almost two decades of fear, I went up to the altar, and later that night, I was immersed again in the baptismal waters--not saved by them-- but freed, finally, from any niggling doubts about my obedience to the Lord. I was not saved that day-- I do believe it happened at age 10-- but I was free.  Absolutely assured. Done and done.

Once again, I came to God's altar, just a few carpeted stairs, when my second child was a few months old.  She was being dedicated that day and the extended family was gathered around to witness this happy day.  I smiled, posed for pictures, and even hosted a party.  On the inside, I was hanging on by a thin thread.  A very thin one.

Looking back now, I see that I was smack dab in the middle of my own personal sifting, which is church talk for going through a really, really hard time all the while believing/hoping/wondering if it is being used for a greater purpose. For your benefit even. And for God's glory.

 I was drowning in anxiety.

I said the right things, and I did the right things, but I was petrified.

Take postpartum anxiety, coupled with what I absolutely believe to be spiritual warfare; two children under two, plus your child's undiagnosed autism and increased work responsibilities for your spouse and you are well on you way to either a breakdown or a breakthrough.  But something's breaking.

I think I did both.

My pride broke, again.

Who I thought I was broke.

Who I hoped I could be, for a time, broke.

I daily questioned if my mind broke.

Even my joy broke.

The only thing that remained constant was my unshakable faith in a personal and constant God.

*

I talked to my doctor, and a Christian counselor.  That was probably the hardest and scariest thing I'd ever done.

I wasn't impervious to life, and I needed help.

Life is hard and everyone needs help.  Even and especially people who've had it pretty easy their whole life.  That'd be me.

Bit by bit, I came out of that hard time.  I sloughed it out. I wore out my little book of helpful bible verses.  I treated them like the lifeline they were. I prayed and prayed. And it got worse before if got better. But it did get better.

I emerged from the fog, stronger and with a faith and family intact.

That second child, and that hard time, continue to teach me.

God turned it around.

**

My daughter Sarah, who was dedicated at the altar on May 29, 2010 walked the aisle to it again and proudly announced her belief in Jesus and was baptized a few weeks later on Mother's Day, May 8, 2016.

God turned it around.  

This child that I fought for, did battle for, in my spirit and my mind, that I still worry I don't give a full and fair share of my attention to--- God chose her. He saved her. He called her little six year old heart to His.

Without any help from me. 

God turned it around.

Big time.

Let's Get to the 25th Already!

Hi, my name is Melissa, and I was hiding from my kids on the stairs scrolling Instagram.

Monday and Tuesday were filled with moments of discipline for each child as 1) it won't stop raining and 2) that makes for a lot of togetherness and 3) children like to antagonize and 4) it was an amateur move to try to wrap presents for others while supervising children.  I wrapped about four in the space of four hours.

We have made it to December 23rd.  We are coloring and snacking and movie-watching and paper roll sword playing and I'm in a better place.

Presents wrapped, house cleanish, clothes washed, Santa gifts on-go to assemble.

Now we are twiddling our thumbs, ready for the big day.

Here's a hodgepodge of holiday goodness and fun finds for your time off:


Man in the High Castle on Amazon streaming
This is sci-fi intrigue set in post-war 1960s America in an alternate reality in which the Allies lost WWII and the United States is ruled by Germany and Japan. I don't know where to start here: you can watch it as a couple; each character is multi-faceted and more keeps being revealed; it plays with reality and feels a bit like Lost as it presents possible outcomes and a blurry line between the natural and supernatural. Plus the lead character is really cute and I like his hair. So he's a Nazi. He has Resistance leanings due to meeting a love interest/new Resistance member. And I'm betting he's Hitler's son. We are hooked and eagerly awaiting Season 2.

My daughters in their Christmas program












  Shameless Overshare 

Our Christmas Letter


2015 At a Glance

It’s always a bit baffling to reach the end of another year at what seems like a breakneck speed.  2015 has been a year of new adventures for our family.  This summer, Alex, in a true act of Dad heroism, took us to Disney World for five sweaty, tiring, but absolutely memorable days.  We visited each park and dined with princesses, kissed Mickey, and rode our fair share off iconic rides. I’m a self-proclaimed sucker for all things Disney and am campaigning for a return to Orlando for a certain young man’s eighth birthday.  In October, we had another amazing experience traveling to Europe following a work conference Alex was selected to attend in Flims, Switzerland.  Our parents each took turns manning the battle stations on the home front with the kids so I could join Alex for four days in Paris and on to Amsterdam to meet up with an old friend of Alex’s and stay with his family.  It was everything we could have hoped for in an overseas trip-- beautiful scenery, delicious food, unexpected discoveries, and best of all, time together and with friends. I’ve said it was once-in-a-lifetime, but I’m hoping we’ll push ourselves to travel more as the children grow older.

The kids are now 7, 5, and 3 respectively. Jeremiah is a first grader in an autism classroom.  He is an affectionate, loving young man who likes to draw, print, bike, and play on his IPAD.  Sometimes his noisy sisters overwhelm his ears, but he is the first to give a hug when needed.  His mom (without any overstatement) is his #1 fan and as for Dad, Jeremiah adores him beyond good sense.

Sarah is going on 6 this January and bounds into a room with energy and sparkle.  She is in Kindergarten at brother’s school and brims over with new information.  She loves fashion and crafts.  Frequently, she helps Mom create new desserts to try.  We call her our cruise director and believe she is the most lovely 5-year-old in existence (all apologies).

Our youngest, Rachel, is the family mascot. 100 percent sass, this little girl selects her outfits (as there are several changes) daily, complete with accessories and makeup-- no lip balm, but red lipstick, please.  Not much makes her mom happier than taming her bedraggled hair with a bow and acting as consultant on her sartorial choices. Rachel tolerates too many hugs and kisses and longs to be “like Sarah” in all things, especially big kid school.  As her middle name suggests, she is an absolute joy.

As for us adults, Alex continues to work as a Programmer at Silvervine Systems.  His team indicated to me that he is the Eeyore of the group as he is on the look-out for potential problems that could arise in any project.  He is a wonderful father to our kids and a supporter in all ways to me as his wife.  I’m very proud of him.

I’ve renewed my contract for my 8th year as an at-home Mom and though each year brings changes to my role, I’m enjoying this new stage.  I’ve become more involved in the kids’ school, and work with 8th grade girls Sunday school--whom I constantly admonish to be nice to their mothers--as well as teach choir to Rachel’s age group.  I blog, attend bible study and a Mom’s group, keep the domestic wheels running, and think wistfully about exercise as I either read or binge Netflix in my off-duty time. We just ordered an elliptical machine, so hello, New Year’s Resolutions!

In closing, we are just plain thankful to have you in our lives and pray this Christmas season and the new year to come are marked by the greatest of these: love. 

*

And from Ann Voskamp's Unwrapping the Greatest Gift  December 23rd reading:

"He came as a Baby because He was done with barriers. He disarmed himself so that you could take Him in your arms.  God came as a Baby because he wants to be unimaginably close to you. What God ever came so tender that we could touch Him? So fragile we could break Him? Only the One who loves you to death. Only the God who had to come to get you, to free you, to be with you....
Christmas isn't about getting something big and shiny. It's about God's doing whatever it takes to be with us-- and our doing whatever it takes to be with Him. (emphasis mine)

He doesn't care if your list is checked or your halls are decked.  He doesn't care if you've spent 25 days preparing your heart or  a lifetime far away from Him.  He cares about you, about us.
He made a way for us, by his righteousness alone.  Isn't that really the best news?  I get swept along in the craziness each year, and I always arrive back to wonder seated in our Christmas Eve service--  Son of God, Love's Pure Light.

Merry, merry Christmas, dear friends.

What The Jesus In My Mind Would Say in A "Hey Girl" Meme

To be clear, I enjoy satire, but I have no appreciation for irony when depicting religious figures, most of all the Creator of the Universe, thank you very much.  I always felt squeamish when SNL did Jesus bits and quickly turned the channel.  I know that's supposed to be the mark of a free society and free speech, but uh-uh, nope, I'm good.

Now that we've got that all squared away...

We try to do a little devotional most nights (less than 3 minutes!) and one of the things I like most is the weekly bible verse.  Some weeks the verse lends itself to motions. I wish I knew ASL, but alas, I only know Jesus, Lord, please, thank you and more.  Meaning I've been to my fair share of evangelical youth camps and attempted to have a toddler request more Cheerios.  I also "teach" kids' choir, so I really also know sing, love, and all the motions to Go Tell It On The Mountain.

All that to say we were practicing the verse James 1:22 that exhorts "Don't just listen to God's Word; you must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves."  I'm not sure the version this is taken from, but it is also more commonly rendered "Be doers of the Word and not hearers only."

As the girls were doing the motions to aid in their memorization, I thought to myself, "Well, shoot, James.  You kinda nailed it there." I mean, that's a "drops mic" moment.  Leave it to one verse in the Bible to knock you over the head.  I believe that's why the theologians like to call it the inspired Word of God.

Somehow, I imagined how Jesus might apply that verse to me, not to fool myself with thinking listening to His words was somehow enough:

I wasn't convicted of any one thing (because let's face it, there's always so much in view of a holy God), but the book of James is pretty clear.  You'd better work out your faith.  It's the proof in the pudding. (End Sermon.)

And I thought I'd share that little nugget with you, along with my two Scripture memory/gong show stars.  Watch to the end to hear the verse :)

Blah! I'm in a Glass Cage of Emotion!

(In a good way.)

Y'all.  First, thank you.  Your kind words and "I enjoyed this" are more than diamonds or gold.  Words are my love language (shocker) and I'm all filled up.

Next,  The BIG DEAL IEP MEETING.  It was so good!  I was not rushed, talked over, or made to feel anything less than an equal member of that group.  Each person was well informed about J and had lots to say and add.  I think the Assistive Technology person and I are well on our way to becoming besties, and I'm sure that'll be fine with her when I tell her. (I'm not a weirdo. No, really.)

It was so empowering to bring to bear all that we've learned through our experiences and exposures, all our successes and failures to speak intelligently for our son.  Not only were all my concerns addressed, we wrote even better, more applicable goals. Bottom line--reading and math? Yes, I want those things.  But we want Jeremiah to have his own voice in every sense of the word.  Making his needs and wants known, standing up for himself.  And as I told Alex leaving that meeting, "I knew we needed to be doing this (implementing the LAMP program at home).  I just needed a professional to tell me."

I have been learning over and over this year about God's providence through studies of Ruth and Esther and I see it so clearly right now.  Sometimes the bad and the hard and the never-wanna-go-there-again is the very thing that leads us to our--big thing here-- destiny.  My teaching background seemed useless and out of place with a child that has trouble communicating in a way that I understand. How can I share a love of knowledge with a child who couldn't even tell me he loves me? (He can now.)  I want to share all those things with Jeremiah, and I plan to, even if it looks differently than the way I imagined.  My love of language, of knowledge, of seeking to understand and be understood?  God flipped that script and made me a champion for one amazing boy and two firecracker girls.  He's good like that.

We have been retrained to communicate with Jeremiah and now, can find a middle ground with him, to teach him in a way that matters to him.  We are still very new to this path and have a long way to go, but keep on, little steam engine.  You'll get there.

So anyway, we go in the meeting, wired and fired, prepared and prayed, and our teacher shares with us, a bit shakily, that she is being transferred to another school.  It's fresh to her, and I don't want to pry, but for a moment I think, "This all was predicated on you being his teacher! Now what? It is all for naught!" *puts hand to brow, sighing with urgency*

But as the meeting went on and plans were made, I could admit to myself: Change is good.  Life is always changing, and that's one of the things we need to expose him to-- how to adapt to change.  He's taken to new teachers quickly before, and I know he will again.

Again, God's good like that.  I could easily make J's teacher the bar with which I judge all other teachers.  I have to depend on Him and be open to the new people he brings into our lives.  And she will still be in J's life through Sunday School. You see? Providence.

Thus concludes today's lesson.  Come back tomorrow where I will exegete Revelation. You don't want to miss it.

(Insert sarcasm here.)

I'll end with a link to my Sonshine Singers choir, featuring my own Sarah.  I could list a 100, but this is one of the reasons I love the Church.  A little child will lead them, and these little ones sure did just that Sunday night.

A Non-Ranty Insight About Why 50 Shades Isn't For Me

I know.  Another moralistic voice shouting in the wind in faux outrage over the flavor of the week.

Except it's not.

I've read a blog post that exhorts wives not to watch the movie because it creates a false image and that our imaginations should be satisfied by our husbands.  Don't disagree there.

And yeah, the movie has A WHOLE LOT of nudity and sex.  But so do a lot of movies.

And let's be honest, even if I was curious enough to want to see the movie (I'm not), I wouldn't go because hello, middle Georgia.  You just know that you'd see the Chairman of the Deacon board in the lobby.

I was thinking about it tonight.  I try to be discerning in what I watch and read.  I think my passion for Hallmark movies and chaste, prairie romances is well-documented.  But I went to The Kingsmen: The Secret Service movie this weekend, a totally well-deserved R-rated movie with lots and lots of inane violence (skip it).  And I have been known to watch a Bravo series now and again.  So, why this movie?  Why the self-imposed restriction?

Because the degrading of another person is wrong, regardless of their consent. I'll go a step further: It's not just wrong--it's evil.

Let me be clear. I'm not trying to denounce anyone who would entertain watching this movie or reading the book as being evil or degraded.

What I am saying is the portrayal of a woman submitting to violence in the name of romance and fantasy is straight up wrong and scary.

What bothers me is that young teenagers will sneak this movie on video at a friend's house or grab their parent's copy of the book and think of it as purely escapist fiction.  No harm done. There's nothing cute about physical cruelty, and making the male lead a handsome, misunderstood billionaire doesn't change that.  The glamorization of violence in a physical relationship is not okay.

Maybe I wouldn't have connected the dots of my own hypocrisy if I had not watched that incredibly violent movie yesterday, and then followed it up with a Dateline episode to balance out the perfectly delightful Hallmark original I sandwiched in between the two that Alex lovingly watched alongside me.

The Dateline episode dealt with a young college student who had been assaulted and killed by a man involved in sadomasochism and bondage (eek, never thought I write that on a Mom blog).  He influenced his girlfriend,"the submissive," to bring home another person to be a plaything.  The man was 10 years older than his girlfriend, and had a history of abuse with a former girlfriend.  His "hobby" resulted in the brutal murder of a lovely young woman who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

No.  I'm not saying 50 Shades is going to turn America's youths into sexual deviants.  But I am saying that this movie is subtly (or not-so-subtly, more like) sending the message that there are no limits in love.  I'm saying the searing of a conscience is a real and frightening possibility.

Love without limits is. a. LIE.  And friend, if you know me, you know where I think it comes from: the father of lies.  Oh yes, I just played the satan card.  I believe in the reality of evil and an enemy to the one true God.

Good, true, healthy love?  It has limits and boundaries.  It respects another's thoughts, feelings, body, and spirit.  Those entities cannot be separated.  True love does no harm. I appreciate these excellent pieces on real love by Ann Voskamp and Beth Moore that so eloquently expound on this concept.

I'm not going to yell and bluster about this movie.  We Christians get a bad rap for doing that already. I wanted to work out these thoughts for myself, and I was surprised at where they led me.  I'm terrible at debate and arguments of logic.  I always go back to the heart, and the bottom line is that I believe every woman fears abuse.  We cannot gloss it over as romance or call it a "grey" area, pun entirely intended.  We are worth more than that, both men and women. Each of us has a God given dignity. And I won't watch a fictional character demean hers, as it demeans my own.

JellyTelly & Bloom Devotionals

I'm sitting at a pizza booth all by my blissfully alone self for a few minutes while Dad has Monkey Joe's on lock. We left home past lunchtime and didn't have the fight in us to make them wait any longer for the Mecca that is bouncy castles and overpriced merry-go-rounds most likely carrying the latest round of influenza. (No, really, we all enjoy it.) So they'll eat and play and I'll enjoy my thoughts uninterrupted.

My lunch companion

So, instead of staring into space with my thoughts, I'm gonna bang out a quick rec for the JellyTelly website.

Basically, YES. You need to get this. It's $40 annually or $5 monthly. You can stream it via Roku and download the app to your mobile device and are not limited to the number of screens with which you can access the content.  It has What's in the Bible, Jesus Storybook Bible videos and old favorites like Bibleman. It has games that help with Scripture memory. Best of all, for me, is the family devotional called Bloom. It is posted each Sunday night and can be printed out. It takes 5 minutes to complete around the dinner table or at bedtime and it is on a young child's level. There is a weekly verse, and each night has a different focus. Monday is the anchor bible story, Tuesday is church history (a doxology or a catechism question), Wedneday and Thursday are days to reflect on prayer for ourselves and others and Friday is a look back at the week and a traditional prayer.

It's encouraging to me because it showed me I was on the right track already: "Oh, I say the Lord's Prayer with my kids already! Maybe I do have good instincts!" I know I'm not alone in my struggle to get faith "right" with my family. I remind myself a lot of of the simple things my parents did or said well that I carry with me. You teach and train and mess up and send them out one day. Then it's theirs to live or to reject. They'll learn some things only through heartbreak, as much as we'd like to rescue them from it. And guess what? The Lord is Sovereign and He is gonna work it out. You can take that to the bank.  I might need to start waving my non-existent hanky right now, because seriously, our God is faithful.

So here's one more tool to nurture your family's spiritual life. I highly recommend it! And make sure to read the site's history and mission. The proof is in the pudding.

Some Good Things for the New Year

I've been enjoying the downtime of Christmas vacation and with all the gift researching, giving, and receiving, I've found some new items of interest that I'd be remiss not to share with my little (little) corner of the Internet.


Books: 

I requested all of the following from Santa Ed (Dad) and have eagerly skim read them this week.

Freefall to Fly  by Rebekah Lyons
This is a memoir written by a woman who moved from Atlanta to New York City with her husband to pursue dreams in ministry.  She has a special needs son and during her transition from safe suburbia to chaotic urban life, she began experience extreme anxiety attacks.  I heard her speak at women's conference (dotMom) this fall and was hooked upon hearing her point of view.  I can very much relate to her story.  Much of what I've read deals with opening up the "box" of dreams we've packed away and labelled in a box named "Responsibility" or "Motherhood" specifically for women.  She talks of birthright gifts we are born with that we spend half our life denying and the other half, if we are lucky, reclaiming.  I'm eager to set aside time to read this properly.  I saw on twitter that Lifeway All Access Women is doing an online bible study that accompanies this book if you're looking for something in that vein.

The Best Yes  by Lysa Terkurst  I've read this author's book Unglued and I appreciate how she breaks down a concept to make it "liveable" in the day to day.  This is a book on decision making.  Looks promising.

The Nesting Place: It Doesn't Have to Be Perfect To Be Beautiful  by Myquillin Smith
I am brimming with ideas after skimming this gorgeous book.  We conveniently replaced our torn and tattered "leatherish" couches and I've stripped the family room walls to reevaluate.  I'm the first one to say "oh, I'm not creative" when it comes to interior design.  I can appreciate a pretty room (say Joanna Gaines' work from HGTV) but I'd love to have the work done for me.  That ain't gonna happen in the foreseeable future, but as this book suggests, the beauty is in the mistakes.  Who cares if the wall gets painted an off color?  Paint isn't that expensive.  It's more risky to do nothing than to take the small risk.  I'm so excited to re imagine the possibilities of our home.  When we moved in, we had LOTS of wall space to fill.  So I slapped up some large couch-sized "art" and called 'er a day.  But now that I have walking & talking little people that can entertain themselves safely for small increments without bodily harm (though not without lots of loud shrieking from the females), I have a little mental space to think about such luxuries as aesthetics.  Truth is, I *am* creative.  One, I'm a woman and I want my home to be pretty. Two, I believe in a Creative God that made an awe-inspiring world and gave me a desire to reflect His beauty. Three, I'm kinda good with words and imagery and tying ideas together.  So maybe I could learn how to do that with tangible objects.  I've pulled out a large dresser mirror that's been sitting in a closet, poured over all my beautiful photo treasures of my favorite faces and thought about meaningful items that could be given new life.  I had hand imprints made of my older two a few Mother's Day that sit in a glass cabinet.  Wouldn't it be prettier to see them hanging by a black and white picture of the owners of the hand prints at the age the prints were made?  I say yes.  If a book can make me want to tackle re imagining my rooms, it'll work for you.


Podcast:
The Phil Vischer Podcast
So, Phil Vischer of Veggie Tales and What's in the Bible is kinda my new Christian hero.
He's incredibly smart, creative, funny, relatable, and authentic. I'm fascinated by his story.  He has a culture podcast that I've just subscribed to (or "to which I just subscribed" because hey, I went to graduate school for English Education, and there's my $15,000 takeaway. Kidding.)

Fashion  (Seriously. "Fashion".)
Y'all. Again with the aesthetics.  I suffer from "False Humility-itis" that I think some other women battle.  It's not vain or frivolous to make an effort in your appearance or (gasp) feel good about the way you look.  So when Santa Ed requested a "list" from me besides books, I went to the only fashion outlet I really follow (BigMama's Fashion Friday) and clicked on the first cute top I found. It took me to ModCloth, a women's fashion site that has a vintage vibe.  It's a bit of a treat to order from (I like to stay in the $19.99 range if I'm shopping for myself, so hello, TJMaxx!) but it was a treat to let Santa order me a few gorgeous peasant blouses and tunics in wine, royal blue, and a jewel tone green.

Lastly, in Goals/Vision/The BEST YOU NOW! I am embarking on a year of Scripture memory.  I was successful in 2011 and petered out in 2013 (but can you fail at attempting anything in God's Word?) but I can think of nothing simpler or more profitable than to pick a Scripture twice a month that is applicable to my present situation on which to actively mediate.  Plus, my Sis is moving to Houston next year, so I'll have a built in reason to motivate me to attend the celebration for completing the exercise.  Interested?  Check out the Living Proof blog. You can jump in anytime, but it kicks off January 1.  All you need are some note cards and a willing attitude!

All that's left to say is Happy New Year!  If you are reading this, you are dear to me and I wish you a wonderful, adventurous, phenomenal 2015.

Sounds of the Season

I am obsessed with the following songs this year:

First, "Yahweh, Jesus is Coming".  This is a worship song that I've heard performed both at Easter and Christmas and it prompts a visceral reaction.  It's not one of the single-streaming-tear songs. It's a my-insides-are-trembling-because-this-all-happened-and-I-am-part-of-it.  This gal had to work to keep my composure at the Christmas performance this year because I'm not sure if I would have stood on my chair and waved my arms like an air traffic controller or just laid myself out in the aisle.  All I can say is listen.  It has a tribal, chanting cadence. It's beautiful.



ITunes is selling all holiday albums for $7.99 so I picked this one after all the "Mary, Did You Know" rave reviews I saw.  Pentatonix is an acapella group and their sound is totally original. I am slightly obsessed with this song.  I'm not sure how snow and UFO make for great Christmas lyrics, but they do.




Lastly, I bought Josh Groban's Noel last year and every song is beautifully arranged.  This one, though, with the overlayed voices of soldiers sharing their Christmas wishes to family, wrecks me.  Each time when it gets to the mom missing her 4-year-old's face on Christmas morning, I. just. can't.
Highly recommend.



I also love Michael Buble's Christmas and anything by Amy Grant or Harry Connick Jr. for Christmas music.

And now, a shameless plug...the one, the only, the Sonshine Singers.


Happy Listening! (And please share your newest favorites!)

A New Tradition

We packed our first Christmas gifts today.  Despite being familiar with Operation Christmas Child, a ministry of Samaritan's Purse, for several years, I had not prioritized getting boxes ready and kept pushing it down on my "mean-to-do" list.  Determined to change that this year, I took J & Sarah out and we had a great time.

If you are looking for a way to model thankfulness in your family and to just plain have fun, please consider checking out OCC and packing a box.

Here are a few reasons why you should consider packing a box for Operation Christmas Child:

1. It's personal.
The box you put together will be opened by a specific individual, just like any other gift you will give this year.  This is the only charitable organization that I know of that transports gifts instead of using donations to purchase items and services needed in a particular country (though they do that too).  OCC is very hands-on and tangible for involving children.  You are encouraged to include a note to the intended recipient.  The OCC site also has a coloring sheet that can be completed by your kids and packed.  And if you give the estimated shipping cost ($7/box) online, you can track your box to its end destination.  You might even gain a penpal if you include your address in the note you send!

2. It's transparent.
89 percent of monies raised by Samaritan's Purse goes to funding its incentives. It has an overall rating of 95.9 by Charity Navigator and a rating of 100 for transparency and accountability.  This is a trustworthy place to give.


3. It's low-cost, high return.
You can pack a great box for $25.  You can  build one online for without leaving home or you can head down to the local Supercenter and gather materials.  I bought hygiene products (soap, toothbrushes and paste, chapstick, hair ties), small toys (coloring books, puzzles, stickers, hard candy, whistles), essentials (pencils, socks) at the Dollar store.  I think our store stocks items that are specifically on the OCC list because I found a ball pump today, a suggested item, as well as flip flops, which are obviously out of season now, another suggested item. I went next door to Walmart for a few special items like a basketball and HotWheels car for my boy box and soft baby dolls for the girls. I also got better brand art supplies there.  My most expensive item was $7 (basketball), and most were $1.  There is even a Pinterest board with low cost ideas.

4.  It will bless a child in need.
This isn't a guilt trip, but y'all, for the cost of a casual meal out, you can give a child a present that has long-reaching effects.  Each item in your box will honestly knock their socks off.   A dollar store toy will be played with and put in the toy basket tomorrow at my house, but it will be treasured by a child who may have never received a Christmas gift.  The gift is more than the gift.  Samaritan's Purse is a Christian organization whose mission is "helping in Jesus' name".  Many children who receives boxes also gain 12 weeks of bible lessons about God's love.  If you are looking for the real meaning of Christmas-- that God gave-- here's a great way to kick off the season.


5.  It will make you happy!
Buying gifts for a child is fun.  So is stuffing a box to the brim with goodies.  Believe it or not, if you let your kids know for the outset that your shopping trip is to buy gifts for others, they will not beg for toys on the toy aisle.  Giving is medicine for the gimme-gimmes.

This is our first Christmas doing Operation Christmas Child and it's really fun! We've seen a bunch of people shopping for kids around the world! #operationchristmaschild

A photo posted by Melissa Young (@thejaybirdblog) on Nov 11, 2014 at 12:37pm PST

What'dya say?  Ready to start a new, meaningful tradition right before we enter the season of thanks?  Do it!  And let me know if this convinced you!

A Basket of Happy

Today I received a gift basket.  As I was dropping the girls off for preschool (both girls, as in MOTHER'S MORNING OUT, Oh Happy Day), another preschool mom was waiting for me in the parking lot.  She heads up a Mom's group that meets at the local Methodist church.  I started attending this year on the invitation of a friend, now having a bit more freedom with my time.

This week's meeting topic was "The Mystery of Autism" and I'd missed it.  We had a plumbing issue arise and the repairman's window of time conflicted.  And truly, I wasn't sure how I'd feel in a group of "autism outsiders" discussing this subject as an insider.  I can get a wee bit, erm, defensive about it.  A bit prickly, I'd say.  I'd looked ahead to the week's discussion guide, and it started with an opener that had the moms imagine the limitations of autism, such as only being able to talk about a restricted subject or obsession.  Some part of that bothered me.  I thought about asking the leader to share from my own experience or just to come up with another entry point into the topic, but I didn't and let the impulse pass.  So when my appointment interfered with the meeting, I thought maybe it was just as well.  No need to have a cynic in the room.

When the group leader approached me today, I offered up my apologies and reiterated my conflict when she handed me a basket filled with cards and "little happies" and told me the group had prayed for me and another mom in the group with a child on the spectrum.  I thanked her and we chatted a few more seconds, as I placed the items in the car to take the girls inside.  When I got back to the car and began to unpack the basket, I opened up card after card that just encouraged me-- no "poor you, your life must be so hard"-- just encouraged me.  From one woman to another, with different experiences perhaps, but many in common:  womanhood, motherhood, and following God.

I had to text a friend the unexpected surprise (if something happens and it's not shared and photographed, it didn't happen, right?  This is 2014). In the text, I summed up my unspoken stance towards receiving someone's generosity:  Um, God. I'm supposed to do nice things for others.  I'm too competent to receive in return.

I believe the deep theological word for this is pride.  In the English it's pronounced PRIDE.  I don't know how it's pronounced in the Greek or Hebrew.

These are the dots I've been connecting lately: At some point in our life, we will belong to a sub-group we wouldn't have picked.  Mine's disability.  And when we are not in the company of that group, we don't want to be known by that label, in my case, "Autism Melissa".  No one wants to be Divorced Jane or Almost Bankrupt Mary.  And the trouble with that mentality is if that's how we think we are being perceived, then that will be how we perceive others' treatment of us.  Perception becomes our reality even if it's not the truth at all.  Obviously, I've read enough Personal Growth and Spirituality books to fancy myself quite the psychologist, but go with me here.

What brought me happiness today was that this thoughtful Basket of Happy wasn't addressed to AUTISM MELISSA.  It was addressed to me.

Someone who was cared for by a group of women who don't know me very well, but know God's gracious ways and extended them to me.  I don't attend their church, and I belong to a different denomination, which seemed like a big deal as a child growing up in the bible belt.  (The only time we mentioned our brothers and sisters in Christ who worshipped at the church directly adjacent to ours growing up was to exclaim from the pulpit that our parking lot had more cars.  God Bless Our Southern Baptist Hearts.  I do sincerely love being a part of this denomination.)

All of that to say,  I'll be at the Mom's group next Monday, with or without the clogged plumbing.  And more open to receive the unexpected.

Frail

Today we celebrate Resurrection Sunday, Easter, the most important date on the Christian calendar, what Jesus followers believe is the most important event in human history.

I've read at bit this week in the blogosphere about various observances of this holy day, opinions ranging from "Don't force me to evoke an emotional reaction on Easter... I can worship Jesus every day" to "Chocolate bunnies and new dresses are a mockery of the profound suffering Jesus endured for the sin of the world".  And I can relate to both ways of thinking.

What touches me today about the death, Crucifixion and resurrection of Christ is his frailty.  As we sung a victorious anthem in church today, the slides were superimposed with scenes depicting the Passion.  Those images always provoke a gut reaction, a desire to look away, in me.  The stark suffering, the weakness in the actor's face as he portrays Jesus being heaved skyward.

Frail.  Our God made himself frail.  He came to us in a form we would recognize.

And all the secret shame we carry--addictions, hangups, pain, disappointments, fears, all of our darkness, the things we hide--he bore publicly. The things we cover up with our smiling faces and pretty garments, Christ held up for the world to look on... physically, emotionally, and spiritually naked. Alone.

And today my family still wore our fluffy dresses and bows and took pictures and ate yummy food and enjoyed the privilege of living in a nation of political freedom.  And if that was all  Easter was to me as a Jesus follower, it would be a mockery of the suffering Savior who gave his life as a ransom for many.

I'd like to think that wearing my Easter best and having fun with eggs and candy in a small way honors the newness of life that Jesus purchased for sinful humanity by dying a criminal's death. We can be intentional in teaching our children what's just for fun and what's life and death to us. The pretty symbols are not the main attraction.  Of course not.

My human flesh, and my spirit, is frail.  But now, because I belong to Jesus, I am clothed on the inside, made clean by his blood.  And you can't see that in my Easter pictures (in which I can't get us all looking at the camera to save-my-life), but it's there.

Life, on the inside. Proof that He lives.

The Most Awesome Awesomeness the World Has To Offer

Hiya, Blogosphere! What's shakin'? Remember when I got all ambitious and started blogging recaps about my fave PBS shows (inquiring minds NEED to to know moi's thoughts on Downton, m'kay) and then totally stopped? Yeah. Sorry about that. I realize not reading my deep insights into Sherlock's latest derring do may have left a few of you bereft. (I kid.) Season 3 was just crazy by the way... um, no more psychological intrigue. Just case solving, please. And really no more face licking criminal masterminds. ew. But thanks for bringing back Moriarty. He's crazy smart/scary.

Okay, so, the awesome awesomeness.  I've got a backlog of AllTheDeepThoughtsandFeelings posts that require way too much thoughtful analysis to process coherently in written form at present, so I'm gonna jump back in with some newly rediscovered passions.  Brace yourself.  I'm a dynamo.

1.  BOOKS

A Little Salty to Cut the Sweet: Southern Stories of Faith, Family, and Fifteen Pounds of Bacon by Sophie Hudson

"You may have picked up on the fact that I tend to operate at extremes. I'm either fighting my way through vehement opposition or trying to convince everybody I know that I have singlehandedly discovered the most awesome awesomeness the world has to offer," Sophie Hudson declares in her pitch-perfect memoir.  A mama/teacher blogger, Sophie caught my attention a few years ago, though she's been around awhile... like she's tight with Pioneer Woman and Beth Moore.  So basically, a member of the Christian Woman's earthly trinity.  What I loved about this book is the way she has a ear for family conversations.  Though hers is steeped in the South, all families have their peccadilloes.  This recalled conversation could have taken place, verbatim, in my Mamaw's den with the his and hers Lazy Boy recliners with protective towels covering the headrests:
 "Mama and Chox took care of most of the talking during our thirty-minute car ride, focusing primarily on a little conversational segment I like to refer to as People We Know Who Have Died.  The best part of  any People We Know Who Have Died conversation  (PWKWHD for short) is the inevitable constructive criticism/evaluation of the funeral service centering on.... people's funeral fashion choices....If you show up in jeans, I guess the good news is that they actually won't talk about you at all. Because as far as they're concerned, your ancestors are to blame for that one."

This writer is my lane of funny.  She deftly balances humor in her slice-of-life observations with honest poignancy.   When she includes Scripture to highlight a recollection, it doesn't feel forced.  She's the just-a-shade-of-a-season-ahead-of -you friend who shoots straight.  Highly recommend.


When Calls the Heart series by Janette Oke and Where Courage Leads
by Janette Oke and Laurel Oke Logan

 I picked up this series after getting wrapped up in the TV series of the same name.  These stories are in the vein of Christy and Dr. Quinn.  I'm a premature Granny, I suppose, but I love 'em.  In fact, my new friend in Bible Study, who is probably in her late sixties to early seventies, is a fan. She's quite a spitfire, so maybe being a bit of a Granny's not the worst thing ever.  A little clean living, a dose of chaste romance, and a whole lot of sound theology is a good mix.  Sweet and fun.





This book, written 30 years later by the author and her grown daughter, is even better and the basis of the new Hallmark series.  The plot and dialogue are much more sophisticated and satisfying.  Another Lis must-read.











Austenland by Shannon Hale

I've already plugged the movie once in a short post, but I'll say if you like Austen, read this.  It's just fun.









The Honest Toddler: A Child's Guide to Parenting 
by Bunmi Laditan

HT (Honest Toddler) and his mama are straight up legit.  If I could build my own peer group of role models (Beth Moore), mentors (Sophie Hudson, PDub) and mama friends, Bumni Laditan would be in my playdate group. I love her "voice".

HT on "tantrums" or "loud responses" in HT approved language:

"Homework: Go to the grocery store with your child at five thirty P.M. When the loud response starts, scream, "EVERYONE SHUT UP, I NEED TO HELP MY CHILD." Then open four large bags of chips and a juice box. Let your child feast."

Since I just got each of my kids their own jumbo Panera chocolate chip cookie so I could enjoy my own bagel in peace and not share, and since my middle child will have a LOUD RESPONSE if I split a cookie, clearly I'm winning at this whole thing.

I read aloud a post of HT's to my husband at least once a week.  Check it out.


2. THE LIBRARY
Did you know you can check books out for free?  Place holds online?  You can. There's this place called the library.  My county has terrific branches.  We've started stopping in about every week lately.  The librarians/media specialists are always in fancy hats leftover from storytime; they plan activities for all ages of the population; it's a thriving place.  I love a culture of learning.


3.  THE HALLMARK CHANNEL & MY CURRENT TV FAVES

When Calls the Heart series

I mentioned the book series above, so all I can say is: Mounties=swoon.  Dudes, I know you can't really ride in to literally save the day anymore.  But like Brad Paisley encourages, women want someone whose "still a guy."  I'm just sayin', there was a gentleman in my age range that I saw recently wearing THE SAME EXACT SHOES as me.  Granted, they were TOMS, and yes, obviously TOMS makes Men's and Women's shoes, but it was a wee bit of odd.  TOMS wearing men, not trying to question your manhood; just be sure to wear 'em with flannel.  No belt. Shirttail untucked.  Let's go for rugged or sophisticated, but please pick a lane.  I believe the wise Cher from Clueless said it best: "They thrown their greasy hair in a backwards hat and we're expected to swoon? As if."


4. THE BIG STORY

What's in the Bible DVD series

Oh, I loved it.  You will not waste a cent on this.  If you take any of my suggestions, please take this one.  It is on the money and then some.  A three-year-old and a seminary student alike could learn something from this.  It's deep theology, bible history, and entertainment.  The entire series walks through the major points of the Bible in 13 DVDS.  I will be collecting them.  I think this is a great tool to come alongside parents trying to seize opportunities to show that the Bible is living and active and God is very much living and active in our world. Love, love, love this!  Perfect for the upcoming Easter season.





5. HAPPY LITTLE MOMENTS

Back to the opening quote about going back and forth from "vehement opposition to... the most awesome awesomeness...."  That seems to sum up parenthood for me.   The vehement opposition would be all the energy-crushing repetitiveness and responsiblity that caring for little humans necessarily entails.  But the little moments of love: the most awesome awesomeness.  Today, we were finishing up one appointment with some time to kill before another.  In our little town, we could cross the grass to the drugstore to pick up some much needed kiddie toothpaste.  The dogwoods are in bloom; I'm holding my toddler's hand as the bigger two (okay, slightly bigger) walk in the store, and I think something like "I'm happy."  Of course, we enter sans buggy cart, one's beelined for the candy checkout, the other's jonesin' for a princess toothbrush and the toddler's thoughtfully rearranged the mouthwash section.  But.  I was happy.  The contentment of ordinary days.

Thanks for reading and holler if you take me up on any of these suggestions!

The Little Stories or the Big Story?

I subscribe to a youtube channel called What's in the Bible, a new Bible series & DVD curriculum for children created by Phil Vischer who also pioneered the Veggie Tales series.  These short clips (1:30 and 2:30 respectively) really made me think and echoed other teachings I've heard recently about teaching and modelling our faith to this generation.

Watch these to get the context of my thoughts:

 






It's hard to be good without God. Absolutely.  I can tell my toddler to stop hitting her sister, and tell her sister to stop hitting her back, but until they have the beginnings of a conviction that hitting or lying displeases (and even hurts) God, it will just be a rote directive.  I appreciate how Mr. Vischer admits that while his stories where carefully designed with biblical, moral lessons, the higher aim is to teach our children the WHY behind the DO.  Until the heart begins to change, we will keep missing the mark, the very definition of sin.  God is much more concerned about the motives and condition of our heart than our piety.

Am I trying to teach (my) kids to behave more "Christian-ly" or am I teaching them Christianity?  That hit the nail on the head for me.   I know I often feel that I'm not doing enough to teach my kids the basics of the faith or that I could be doing it in a more systematic way.  What resonates with me is that is if we don't connect great stories of the Bible to the BIG STORY, God's redemptive plan woven from beginning to end, it may be shrugged off as "so what" when our kids are presented with other worldviews as they mature.

This is big stuff to tackle.  We have the tools.  What we need, what I need,  is the dedication to sit down and start the discussion with our littles about the WHYs.

This clip sold me on the What's in the Bible DVDs.  The 12 installments cover God's story from Genesis to Revelation.  I plan to buy the 10th in the series Jesus is the Good News leading up to the Easter season.  I'll jump back on here then and let you know I thought.

Whether Broccoli or Prime Rib

As I sat at the breakfast table today, I decided to read the Message, a bible paraphrase.  Now, lest I set myself up falsely, let me disclose that more often than not my daily morning reading consists of scrolling through a newsfeed and at best reading some inspirational blogs.  Consistent scripture reading continues to be a discipline that I too often neglect.  But today, I opened to Romans 12-14  and the modern paraphrase of the truth contained struck my eyes in a new way:

Romans 13:6-9 (The Message)  What’s important in all this is that if you keep a holy day, keep it for God’s sake; if you eat meat, eat it to the glory of God and thank God for prime rib; if you’re a vegetarian, eat vegetables to the glory of God and thank God for broccoli. None of us are permitted to insist on our own way in these matters. It’s God we are answerable to—all the way from life to death and everything in between—not each other. That’s why Jesus lived and died and then lived again: so that he could be our Master across the entire range of life and death, and free us from the petty tyrannies of each other.

Which reminds me of these verses also written by Paul:

1Corinthians 10:31-33 (NIV)

 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 32 Do not cause anyone to stumble,whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— 33 even as I try to please everyone in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.

1 Corinthians 10: 31-33 (The Message) So eat your meals heartily, not worrying about what others say about you—you’re eating to God’s glory, after all, not to please them. As a matter of fact, do everything that way, heartily and freely to God’s glory. At the same time, don’t be callous in your exercise of freedom, thoughtlessly stepping on the toes of those who aren’t as free as you are. I try my best to be considerate of everyone’s feelings in all these matters; I hope you will be, too.

So maybe you've picked up on that fact that I sometimes get caught up in people pleasing and the opinions of others.  I can often be tossed about by every wave of "the best way of do everything better... now!"  Specifically as it deals with health and nutrition.

Much like the discipline of scripture reading, I want to mind my health better and the way I raise my kids to eat well and exercise.  But so often I feel a nagging sense of guilt that I DON'T think is from the Lord.  Certainly, I know my body is the vessel of His spirit.  It is a gift.

However, just as He wants me to know Him more because I love him (less out of duty, more out of love), I think he wants me to improve my health and eating habits out of this truer motivation. Not out of guilt or shame from a blog or blurb I've read.

As both a typical mom trying to navigate the perfectionistic and false ideals we've created about what it means to be a woman, wife and mother and as an 'autism' mom, I feel this extra pressure to be better about what we eat.  It's a repetitive battle, "I know I should, I know I should, I know I should."

But this little engine's not ready to climb that particular mountain today.

We're climbing constipation and withholding.  Climbing expectations and reality.  Climbing relationship buiding.  And we are gaining. We are gaining!

So when I read that little bit about "if you eat meat, eat it to the glory of God and thank God for prime rib; if you’re a vegetarian, eat vegetables to the glory of God and thank God for broccoli,"  I smiled. 

God's pleased with me whether I eat broccoli or prime rib.  Even if I eat two icing-from-a-can cupcakes and and my kids eat Cheez-Its (solely for explanatory purposes, you understand).

He's pleased with us as believers whether we eat a certain restricitve diet, or we don't.  Whether we're fit or we're not.  Whether we fit into an ever-changing defintion of "good" or not.

Because He is Good.  The Only Good.  He is God.  

And because of Jesus,  He is pleased with me.

Despite and in spite of my behavior.

So know that today.  In Christ, God is pleased with you.  Right where you are.

The Altar, the Fitting Room, and the Kitchen Sink

This weekend had me moving in and out of these spheres-- the sacred, the silly, and the mundane.  It's delightfully exhausting to be a woman, isn't it?

I loaded up with 7 other Jesus girls and headed off to the dotMom conference in Chattanooga.  We needed a new battery about 45 minutes into the trip and stopped at Chick Fil A, Starbucks, and McDonalds along the way...before lunch.  (Delightful. Exhausting. Wink.)

The conference totally went beyond any expectations our group had.  48 plus hours away from home with hotel service, dinners out, and no one but our sweet selves to care for?  Oh, yeah.  A good time was a given.

But, man.  The teaching?  The speakers brought it.  This wasn't a "let's pat ourselves on the back as good Christian women" kinda thing.  It was encouraging, but also powerful and challenging.  I loved it.

About 5 minutes into the first teaching session, I lean over to my group and announce, "Are you hearing this?"  It was the truth.  There is a collective weariness in us as women.  The Happily Ever After.  The Perfect Portrait.  And we let that get in the way of the life to which we have been called. And as Jen Hatmaker remarked, "Jesus does his best work in reality."

Here are a few of my favorite W-O-R-D-S from the weekend:

On how to be "enough" for your family: "Just show them Jesus." -Vicki Courtney

and  "God can take you on... He's stronger than your natural disposition."
-Angela Thomas

On this generation of children being raised in church: "Behaving and Tithing will not inspire our kids' loyalty (to Christ and the Church.)" - Jen Hatmaker 

That one sunk down deep.

And basically every word a man named David Thomas (co-author of Wild Things: The Art of Raising Boys) said.  Basically affirmed in me that I am raising a boy.  First and foremost.  A boy who needs to be anchored in his mom's love, understanding, and protection.  And all the stuff my family is bending over backwards to do that feels kinda out there?  It's what ALL boys need-- space and time.  Ain't that somethin'?

I'm happy to report that all 8 of us ladies made it back safe and sound, still friends, with a lot of "this goes in the vault" kinds of stories and overshares and laughter.  And a trip to the bra fitter.  G-lory.  A proper fitting undergarment will make you feel like a natural wo-man.


I love being one.  It's the best.

Here's a 3 minute recap made by Lifeway:

Working in the Waiting

I chose an easy, practical verse to learn this month: Wait on the Lord; be strong, and take heart, and wait on the Lord. (Psalm 27:14) So, what should today's sermon topic address? Waiting on God! To wait means to hope in Hebrew. The word picture is of a rope being twisted, becoming stronger. I've definitely felt twisted and pulled a lot over these recent years! And God's Word has come through. When I was deep in anxiety (another post for another time), it took me step by step back to peace. I emerged much stronger, and knew without a doubt that God works on my behalf. Another point the pastor made was that in our waiting, we should be poised, ready to spring into action when we sense God moving us to a new course. So, here I am, waiting, working, and expecting God to work. He is working in my waiting. That's the blessing of trials. To be included in His work. Y'all, I plain love Jesus and I don't care if that makes me a corny cliche to those who are to cool to need. I need. I need Jesus.

Standing in the Need

Some really cool stuff is happening in my life!  I feel like some tangible blessings have fallen in my lap, not because I asked for them, but because the Lord just delighting in me.  I hope that doesn't sound 'braggy', but I'm feeling very loved by God!  He's opening my eyes more to how he is working, probably because I just need Him.  I need divine power, insight, direction, strength, everything.

With all this in mind, I'm gonna go ahead and ask for a few things of Him, and a couple I'd like to share with you.  I've had the privilege of asking others to pray with me about Jeremiah and our family, and in turn, felt the need to pray for those encouragers in kind.

So, would you pray for me?

April 30th is J's placement meeting for schooling next year.  It should be a relatively low-key meeting.  His teacher already told me the school she is recommending and the best fit in terms of a teacher.  Our local school does not have Special Ed. Kindergarten, so J will be going to another school.  Though it's a bit of a bummer to not be at the local school, the options are excellent and our county has high marks for their elementary schools.  Would you pray that:

• We select the best school for Jeremiah.
•  His teacher will have a true understanding of autism, and a passion for teaching.
• For our summer, that I will use the time to "bank" many enriching engagements with Jeremiah.
• Perhaps, down the road, as we gain confidence with our RDI program and the progress we are seeing, that I could even step in and take over J's schooling for a time to accelerate him. This is a new dream that scares and excites me, but I know NO ONE will be as committed as me to see my son grow. I would never have thought it possible or even wanted to do this but for J's needs.  I still have lots to think about, and surely don't want to do something to satisfy my own need for praise or approval.  And I don't want to not do it because I'm worried what others might think. I want to do what the Lord wants, what's best for J, what's best for the family and I pray all those things line up!
• I will make and cherish special times with Sarah and Rachel separately and together.
• I will just lap up every sweet moment with Rachel and not worry a bit about her development. She's in that "life rocks!" phase of excitement and I'm like "she's waving her arms in the bouncer... is that a stim or just happiness?"  I don't want to miss anything or filter a moment through worry.

Could I pray for you?  I will, too.  Email me or if we're buds, text me.  Let's go all in.  I've been studing the book of James on and off for a while now, and it's just hitting everything in my life-- words, trials, what loving others means, prayer, healing.  It's hits 'em all.  So let's pray, "for the effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much" (James 5:16 NKJV).  Or even better: "The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with" (The Message)

To be reckoned by God--astounding!

Me and My Bathrobe: Thoughts on Being a Woman

After a rare nap yesterday, I had trouble falling asleep.  For some reason, I began to ruminate on my bathrobe.

I've mentioned it before.  It's like my second skin.  My security blanket.  The next best thing to actually being in bed.

I seem to hoard robes.  I have four hanging in my bathroom and a few pretty ones that rarely leave my closet--those feminine, satin ones I received as a bride-to-be.

Know the robe, know the woman. Probably should make a Pinterest image out of that one.  'Cause I can't stitch it on a pillow.

As a little girl, I had a few robes given to me over the years for Christmas.  I really didn't know what to do with them.  The tv shows I watched showed adults always throwing one on in a panic to answer the door in the middle of the night.  Since I had no reason to do this, the robes went unused.

The first time I needed to use one was to wear as I sprinted down the hall of my girl's dorm as a freshman.  Communal showers, people.  That's real living.  I had my shower caddy stocked with Pantene and Crest toothpaste, my Barbie pink sandals (a shower necessity) and my white terry cloth robe. I still have that one.  I've long lost the belt, but my terry cloth robe still proudly hangs beside my mercifully private shower.

That robe reminds me of my time as an undergraduate living on campus at the University of Florida.  My biggest worries were making to my 10 o'clock class and trying to write a 10 page essay on no sleep.  Really gut wrenching stuff like that.  I made lifelong friends and learned a few helpful things both in and out of the classroom.  I was still basically clueless about life, but I stayed out of trouble thanks to Campus Crusade (read: God), graduated, and had a great time.  That's ages 18-21 in a nutshell.  As Britney says, I was "not a girl...not yet a woman."

Sorry for all the teeny bopper quotes.  Such is my brain.  Sometimes Britney and Miley stumble on some true stuff.

My second grown up robe is a to-the-floor creme satin robe lined with fleece. It's warm and pretty.  My sister noted that it's a nod to Katherine Hepburn in The Philadelphia Story. (Go watch it if you've missed it.  Classic witty repartee).  That robe took me through my young married, before-babies years to the 1am & 4am graveyard shift of newbornhood with Jeremiah.  The pocket's torn, probably from a bottle being stuffed inside, and it can be obnoxious to climb the stairs as it drags.  But it's special to me.  It marks my passage from girl to young woman to woman.

My third and favorite robe enters here.  I received it when Sarah was born.  It took the lionshare of hard work-- two babies under age 2! And now, three under age 5.  It has literally grown with me and my stomach over the last few years.  While I have an ever-vascilating pant size (as my closet will attest), my pink robe always fits.  My most recent robe is a knee length number, great for spring and summer.  Sarah likes to use the belt as a tug-of-war/tie 'em up/jump rope.

At its best, for me, being a woman means a growing sense of community with fellow believers.  Women I admire and respect, even and especially if we do things differently.  Isn't that a nice change?  As girls, we get so bent out of shape if we aren't  j-u-s-t  like our best friend or the prettiest girl in class. And it turns out that the person we put on a pedestal was just as insecure as we were.

I don't think marriage or children or even age make one a woman.  Biblical womanhood, as I understand it, is a reflection of God's character-- his tenderness, care, and compassion.  Again, while neither marital status nor motherhood define womanhood, those experiences have certainly provided opportunities for me to experience God's heart.

At this point in my life, I'm comfortable enough (most days) in my own skin to compliment myself when I've made an effort to dress up and look nice.  I'm okay to introduce myself to a stranger and try to make them feel welcome.  I don't have to be the "it" girl, the one who has it all figured out, scheduled, color coordinated, and cross referenced.  Though if she exists, I think we'd be friends. I think that's growing up. Women in community.

A community made even better if your friends stay in their robes til 10 a.m. Women who pray for you, unprompted, who text and call, who give hugs when you start snot-crying in public. Secure women. Flawed. Genuine. I'm so glad to wear this new garment.