Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter...

I began a new bible study with the ladies of my church entitled "John, The Beloved Disciple" by our friend, Beth (Moore).  In the introduction video, she encouraged us to write a letter to God honestly laying out all the things we really desire.  The study centers on the heart, as John identified himself as "the one Jesus loved". 

I haven't written mine yet (though I will).  However, when I examine what I think about when my mind wanders, it often goes to what I desire.  And most of what I desire is pitifully small in terms of eternity.  I know God will, and has, meet my every need.  I just need Him to reveal what my needs really are.

I like stuff.  (That's shocking.)  Like I-phones.  And mini-vans with automatic doors.  And Southern Living decor, and Pottery Barn Kids catalogs, and fully funded emergency accounts and all things shiny and new. (Hey buddy, I like new stuff).  We all do.  If I pretend I don't like and want that stuff sometimes, I'm just a hypocrite.  Anyway.  This stuff  preoccupies my thoughts at times, even though I know any thing, or even any relationship or quality or goal apart from God's perfect timing is a striving against the wind, to quote my bud Solomon.

So, I think I "want" contentment.  I want to actively seek and find Jesus and let him deal with all my wants.  'Cause my wants--from the trivial to the sacred-- will only be blessings in His time.  HIS time, Melissa.  His time.

And, y'all, my sweet father-in-law upgraded our family phone plan and I'm getting a fancy phone that I don't need, but want.  Keep me in check and make sure I still watch the children and don't suffer from cool phone addiction.  And smile, too.  'Cause it's okay to enjoy a cool phone.  Because I delight in the Giver of all good things, not because he is the Giver, but because he is GOD.

And........... I think I think too much, but that's how he made me!

Denial, Hushpuppies, and Weight Loss

I was double fisting a box of hot hush puppies (Captain D's) and a birthday cake milkshake (Zaxby's) and laugh-choking from the irony of it all.

We had just had another big-important-reality-check-status-of-the-budget discussion the night before.  It always starts the same way.   I casually mention something financially related during a relaxing activity (for Alex, it was watching a Tax Cheats show) and it turns into a 2 hour gut-check.  It was a good talk, definitely.  The funny thing is Alex actually got a good percentage raise and we have some breathing room to save and get some margin in our lives.  Wonderful news.  But we are still dealing with "We used to make XX and now we make X and it is just plain hard because we are spoiled Americans and want everything NOW even though we have our health, our family, and a very nice roof over our heads.  Oh, and we are out of debt." 

We have some weak muscles to build.  Saving is like, hard.  It takes many months to attain the goal in mind.  And then there is another goal.  And another unexpected expense.  So we really can't jet off to Vegas or Hawaii or the Bahamas.  Atlanta is our Vegas; the Georgia coast our island getaway. 

Anyway.  That's reality.  And Ethan Hawke was right.  It does kinda bite.

Denial moment #2-- Back to the hush puppies.  It's Friday night and I have been so virtuous.  I have made meatloaf and mashed potatoes, ignoring the Friday night urge to order pizza.  Our kids are unruly and I'd like a bit of air, so we cruise the town, finding new neighborhoods to explore.  Which leads me to my milkshake craving.  It had been peaked by a sore throat earlier in the week, and though I'd gotten a chocolate shake at Krystal's, I'd really wanted the Zaxby's one. 

Alex gets a hankering for hush puppies, and thus, we end up with both.  As I'm shoving the delicious, oniony, perfectly hot and greasy puppy in my mouth, we are lamenting the fact that we always seem tired, can't get up early, and so, we ease our nerves with comfort foods.  And really, that should stop.  As I'm happily inhaling my puppies and shake.  'Cause they are so good.  And we've spent $8 we didn't need to because we'd already eaten a perfectly satisfactory supper.  And I checked out a book earlier in the day called How To Never Look Fat Again.

And it made me laugh.  Hopefully, you too.

Pimp My Ride

Taurus Edition. Awww, yeah.

Be ironic and rock a vanity plate.  It says "I'm educated.  I'm smart enough to drive a used car.  It's my choice!"

It fits nicely in the garage, which is nice for those of us with depth perception limitations.

Customizable!  Window decals say "I'm too classy for bumper stickers, but I belong, too!"

Optional entertainment center!

Holds two large car seats!

Drive this and you too can watch "Toy Story" every day around town!  Quote obscure lines in conversation!

See that toy car on the middle seat?  Mom, you can squeeze yourself in there on car trips to quiet the natives!

12 programmable radio stations- AM and FM.

Plays cassette tapes. Now you can play those old Boyz II Men singles!  Let's Don't Wait Til the Water Runs Dry...

Window Shades optional.  Nothing says "I have children and boy, do I like it!" like this shade.

Convinced, yet?  Ditch the payments and you too can act your wage!

Stupid Tax

Been There.

Done That.

Bought the painfully expensive t-shirt.

Sold the painfully expensive van.

Remember my cheerful post about our new van?  The one where I was like "I know this is stupid, but hey, we need it?"  Yeah, that was denial.

Stupid Tax is Dave Ramsey speak for going into debt.  As of this Friday, we are debt-free except for our mortgage.  That's a big except, but being out of consumer debt is a huge relief.

But it hurt.  Really hurt. 

To recap:
Years 1-2 of marriage:  Live in a cute apartment.  Sleep on floor with twin mattresses for a few months.  Pay off $24,000 in student loan/credit card/stupid tax debt.

Years 3-3 1/2:  Buy small, older townhouse that costs less than our combined salaries. Fix it up.  Put in energy efficient windows.  Resurface counter tops.  Put in tile.  Paint.  Go on vacations.

Year 3 1/2:  Wake up to biological clock and have absolute, total meltdown.  MUST HAVE BABY. 

Year 4:  Have precious, life-changing baby boy.  Leave teaching to be a stay-at-home mom.  Economy tanking.  Alex takes a new job 6 weeks after bringing baby home to our perfectly feathered nest.

Move to another cute little apartment in a new city.  Sell townhouse.  Lose on the deal.  '98 Malibu keeps breaking.  Buy nice 2004 Highlander.  Commit to building a house.  Cue financial spiral.

Year 5:  Move into new house.  Take out savings and buy new furniture.  See savings dwindle each month as expenses outpace income.  Conceive another precious baby.  Must have mini-van.  Everyone with two or more kids have a mini-van. 

Year 6:  Sweet baby girl arrives healthy.  Life is good.  Rollin' in the van.  High medical deductible.  Bleeding money.  Stress. Two kids. Sacrifice of time and sanity.  Stress.

Which takes us to October of last year.  We both arrive at the conclusion that is is just not worth it to have a nice car if it is a burden on the family.  We literally could not talk about money because it was such a source of stress.  So, we sell (dump) the van at a significant loss, take out Roth money (ouch, ouch, ouch), buy a cash car (2001 Taurus) and start digging out from the credit cards that we've used to float our high medical bills.

February 2011:  With our tax return (which was our hard earned money to begin with, not found money), we pay off the last bill.  We cough up the cash to pay a sitter for a long overdue date.  We buy nice car seats for our kids.  And dream of going to Hawaii.  Hopefully with, you guessed it, cash.

And now?  Save.  Rebuild savings- for medical bills, car repairs, a 'newer', but not new, car.  Maybe one day return to work when our kids are in school.  Pay off the house early.  Save so we don't have to eat Alpo at 75.

Little blog community, here's my promise to you.  I will not buy a car that I have not saved for ever again.  I will not buy any luxury item for which I have not saved.  If I do, I'll confess it. 

And when I see those shiny vans, with automatic doors?  I'll push aside the envy, roll past in my Taurus, and remember this: the borrower truly is slave to the lender.  And I'm done with being a slave to stress.

P.S.  This is meant in no way pass judgement on anyone.  Just my "debt testimony"!

Ain't No Brag...

2009 Nissan Quest

Mama's got a brand new van! (Duh na na na na, duh na na na na, HEY!)

We have truly succumb to the parenting lifestyle. And honestly, we really like it. When you are using seemingly contradictory phrases like "sweet ride" and "so much space" to describe your vehicle, you probably have two or more young children.

It's hard to believe that we 1) bought a new car and 2) it was a surprise to me. We've had our 2004 Highlander for a year, and it's been great. Sporty and dependable and a huge step up in reliability. But I was kicking myself for not looking at any used vans, especially now that we have another baby coming. I wasn't ready to accept being a mini-van driver.

What a difference a pregnancy makes. You go all crazy. Five years ago, we started out with two twin mattresses on the floor, and paid off $24, 000 dollars in debt in a year and half. We bought a $1500 Geo Metro (in a purple-ish tint) for Alex with cash at auction. No credit cards, nothing.

So, when Alex pulls up to pick me up from tutoring in a NEW mini-van, I was shocked. He had casually mentioned the good deals he was watching. We took in the Highlander for servicing earlier that morning. It never broke down on us, but we had taken it in a few times for various issues. A part that Alex had recently replaced had gone bad, and he mentioned leveraging his interest in a competitor's vehicle with Toyota. But I really didn't expect to be driving home in a different car.

Now, I guess I could have been mad for not being there and choosing the color and making a reasoned decision, but if my "baby daddy" wants to buy us a van, well, I'm okay with that.

So, I guess we have "suspended" our new-cars-are-the-devil's-handmaiden philosophy for the next 6 years.

I agree: Debt is still dumb, cash is still king; sorry Dave, but mama's gotta ride!

Sleep Update: Weekend Edition

Well, Jay was very ready to sleep on Saturday and Sunday night, but he was having serious abdominal pain. The little one's system was overloaded after being introduced to apple & banana baby food on top of rice cereal and his usual milk. We had to leave Sunday School early because he was having fits. Of course, he gives the nursery worker a huge smile once he's in Dad's arms.

Life has truly come full circle. My own parents have told me umpteen times about having to give me a glycerin stick you-know-where to encourage me to "cleanse my system". So, what do I reach for at CVS? You got it. I giggled at first, but now I can handle a suppository with the best of 'em! We had a little progress Sunday, but Jay didn't feel better until this afternoon. I'm really hoping it's smooth sailing tonight. I feel kinda weak and lethargic from so many times up and down last night. He honestly just woke up discomforted and feel back asleep quickly.

As for more things I didn't anticipate doing in the name of motherhood, I am making calls to schedule appointments for a financial advisor I meet in MOPS. Now it is not cold-calling, but I really have to dig my heels in to make these calls. I really understand that no one wants to be interrupted at home after a long day. I'm getting better and trying to talk very slowly. Also on the makin'-the-money-for-my-baby-and-home front, I got a response from the lead with the proofreading job. We will talk next week. This kind of work is right up my alley. Just me, my computer, and lots of grammar to correct!

Night night!