Home Life & Peep Toe High Heels

Here's some riveting recap of our day-to-day of late:

Be Careful What You Wish For...  I was recently sympathizing with an old neighbor who had sold his motorcycle but got the better end of the deal by marrying his wife and later, welcoming their son.  I retorted that with each child we add to the family, the lowlier Alex's car becomes.  He was driving this cute, new Celica when we were dating; my first gift when we were dating was an audio sermon from Dave Ramsey who eshews new cars and payments and was becoming a household name.  From new Celica to '95 Civic with 200,000 plus miles and white spray paint to cover the chipping car enamel. Well, that faithful car kept me and Sarah safe on the way home from errands a few days before Thanksgiving.  We were plowed into by a thankfully compact car driving without its light on (and a driver with suspended license) and spun into the shoulder.  A fireman was on scene and witnessed the wreck, Sarah was unscathed from our "adventure" and we got a very generous check from the other driver's insurance.  Homeboy is now driving a 2008 Prius that he's been eyeing for awhile but couldn't justify.  We had just upgraded our car seats in that car for the proper weight restraint for each child and the car was hit on the opposite side of Sarah's seat.  That'll remind you in a New York minute that your days are not your own and life in not a random series of events.

3 close peas in a Prius pod

Sleep Cycles and Upticks
October and November threw us all back into the crazy cycle as Jay's sleep cycle regressed.  Add a fall and bruised nose (it checked out fine) to the mix and you've got some cheerful adults.  We are getting back on track sleep wise with J sleeping without interruption (or at least not several interuptions) and the boy is killing it lately in terms of his progress in direction following and showing what he knows.  His OT coached him to write "Christmas Tree" and draw the correct shapes to make a Christmas picture.  I rarely keep kid 'art' long term but he made it himself!  Each letter!  So we are jumping right in there and I'm having him trace the sentences we are reading ("I like my Dad" "I see my dog").  He's been making his numbers and shapes correctly for a while now but he is now able to start taking direction on the size of the letters to make words.  It's a step, but it makes me SO PROUD!  He's learning to read and write just like any other Kindergartner. WOOT!

He can read this!

    A keeper

Mama's Dancing Shoes
My 3 inch kitten heel, peep toe black suede pumps (with sequins, you understand) came out of the closet early this year!  They usually only see the light of day for the annual company party, but they got sprung early for my dear friend's bachelorette party.  We were like, so wild, and made it home by 1 a.m.  You know you're a wild thing when you reference having to make it home to teach 4s choir Sunday evening. And your dear friend "outs" you as a mom of 3 who homeschools.  Mani-pedis and an evening in Virgina Highlands? Oh, I do that all the time.  When I'm not in rushing to the Chik-Fil-A bathroom to avoid an INCIDENT.  In all sincerity, it was such a wonderful reminder of what marriage can be and how blessed we are when the right person enters our life. My friend remarked that dating her now-fiance was easy in light of past dating relationships.  He doesn't leave when there is a disagreement.  He is safe and trustworthy.  He makes her feel secure and special.  He took efforts to surprise and honor her for their engagement.  He loves her and he loves the Lord.  Marriage will be hard, but courtship should be easy!  If I could give advice to unmarried women, it would be this.  If there is strife before a commitment has been made, you are under no obligation to stick it out!  Trust that you are worth something better than second best.  It really is out there.  My sweet friend waited, and she was rewarded!  So, so happy to see this marriage begin a few days before Christmas.

 

The Girls
Rachel is all-out walking in stride and so flat-out beautiful it kills me. I love toddlerhood.  Sarah is my side-kick and keeps us laughing.  She's a pistol. 

Case in point:

Alex:  "I'm gonna bust a cap, fool."
Sarah, without missing a beat: "Don't bust a cap, fool."

This interchange was right before our Advent storytime. 

We laughed like crazy and Christmas hymns were playing in the background and it was a moment you just can't capture. Which says it all to me.

Wishing you unexpected moments this Christmas.

Thoughts from My Recent Hallmark Christmas Movie Binge

I've got reviews of "A Very Married Christmas", "Baby's First Christmas" and "A Very Merry Mix-Up" to add to my authorative look at MFTCM. For now, let these musings inspire you to select a better class of Christmas movie.

Top Ten Life Lessons Learned from Made for TV Christmas Movies:

10. If you are single and someone starts calling you by your first and last name and punches your arm, fellas, watch out. Might be love.

9. If you find yourself with an attractive, bubbly stranger: in a jail, a hospital, with a stray dog, handcuffed to the passenger's seat, or under an assumed identity, watch out. Might be love.

8. If said person loves: antiques, vintage clothing, his/her grandma, his/her grandpa, is estranged from his/her parent(s), is close to his/her parent(s), again. A Christmas love miracle is unfolding before your very eyes.

7. If you have two incredibly handsome suitors vying for your affections, you have a fabulous sense of style, and you are both a strong, capable woman while maintaining a childlike vulnerability just below the surface; girl, you already gone.

6. God/Santa/Fate brings a a lost treasure back into your life: a love note, a handmade clock that stops ticking the minute you first met your amore, your wedding ring you threw away... TRUE LOVE. "True love begins in eternity." You can quote a Very Merry Mix-Up on that.

5. You are dating a plastic dude who wants to remake your life, sell your business, tells his friends you do what he says; just wait. Mr. Wonderful's about to enter, stage right. He's hot and he makes furniture with his own.two.hands. Or rediscovers his benevolent heart. Or rocks a baby. Whatevs. He's perfect.

4. There are no "accidents". Spending the weekend with a family you think is your intended's and instead finding out your new family are not home and hearth people? Hitting an old lady with a swinging door and losing her dog? You are on your way to a job promotion, a home saved for foreclosure, and rediscovering yourself in one fell swoop.

3. It only takes from Thanksgiving to Christmas to change your whole life. Love everlasting? Handled. In 6 weeks or your money back. (Thanks, Lara.)

2. Be with someone who makes you better. Especially if a doorman/police officer/minister/voice of wisdom reminds you that every moment running from the one you love is wasted. (True.)

1. Christmas is magical. Because Faith, Hope and Love are real.

The Pure, Unadulterated Delightfulness...

Of the most cheesy-made-for-TV-movie time of the year!  ABC Family, Hallmark, and Lifetime each have their own festive offering, so it's bound to be a delightful cinematic season.  The Hallmark Channel begins airing new movies this Saturday.  Queue up the DVR! To get us in the spirit, here are a few notables in my pantheon of:

Made-For-TV Christmas Movies (MFTCM)

You know that happy glow you feel looking at a lit tree?
That's how I feel about these types of movies.

A Christmas Kiss- My first delightful MFTCM of 2013.   Basically an assistant to a mean ol' boss (think a very B-version Merle Streep from The Devil Wears Prada) falls in love with the boss's boyfriend and kisses him in an elevator.  Of course, she's incognito and he doesn't recognize her when they are introduced.  But they both felt 'flutters' (Gag me.  The guy says this repeatedly).  Dude's rich and has amazing hair a la Gordon Gecko of Wall Street. The actor comes off as very vanilla, but the female lead has two sassy best friends/roommates whose wise quips keep things from getting too queso.  The two lovebirds are thrown together planning Dude's Christmas party.  Of course they fall asleep on each other's shoulders watching movies.  Of course it's innocent.  Of course Boss Lady/Girlfriend goes on the attack.  And of course the sassy friends intervene.  This one is currently on streaming Netflix.  If you like to put your mind on hold like me, you could do worse for entertainment.


Hitched for the Holidays- Joey Lawrence of Dancing with the Stars and Blossom fame stars.  He carries the film well.  Quite dashing and roguish as memory serves.   He's an ad exec who hates to be tied down to anything (lost little boy inside and all that).  His love interest needs a date due to her family's growing concern for her after being jilted at the altar (there's a story there).  He's Catholic, she's Jewish, and both need a date to save face at holiday functions.  And his dying grandma's last wish is that he find true love.  But she's not really dying.  Oy!  Crazy family shenanigans! Watch it!  Airs this Saturday at 10 p.m.  And copious times thereafter.

Holiday in Handcuffs- This had me at Mario Lopez (a la Slater from Saved by the Bell and Dancing with the Stars). Anyone see a pattern developing here? 90s star plus DWTS stint equals revitalized MFTCM career. Melissa Joan Hart (again with the 90s teen stars) is a scatterbrained, struggling artist that needs to bring home a suitable date to her family Christmas in a remote cabin.  She flubs an interview, gets a bad home perm, and basically grabs a pistol at her waitressing job and hijacks Mario/Slater at gunpoint.  Yeah, he could wrestle her.  And the pistol is an unloaded antique just hanging out by the register.  Details.  Crazy eyed Melissa/Sabrina (the Teenage Witch) gets him in her car, secures him with novelty handcuffs and voila, instant boyfriend!  Of course they see through the kidnapping and fall in love.  She puts on an ice skating routine for him.  They play chess.  He stops trying to escape.  That's a formula for true love right there.  

Love at the Thanksgiving Day Parade- This is a cute one and I was struggling to remember the exact title until I followed my own advice and scheduled my Hallmark movie marathon via my DVR!  This plays Sunday at 4 p.m. on Hallmark.  She's the Thanksgiving planner who wears vintage everything (a nod to her deceased mom); he's a slick suit brought in analyze her event and rain on her parade (wink).  They bond over a chance meeting at the grocery store and share cute phone calls while watching holiday movies.  It's fluffy, mindless, and the good girl gets the right guy. Not a bad distraction while you're folding towels.

Mrs. Miracle - This stars James Van Der Beek (aka Dawson) which should make this a lock for my generation.  A magical nanniy (Doris Roberts of Everybody Loves Raymond) helps a young widower (Dawson) with his young sons and surprise, not letting love slip through his fingers.  Real sentimentality, not schmaltz.  Very sweet. 

Recipe for the Perfect Christmas - I watched this a few years back and it has some decent acting.  Food critic (Carly Pope) and chef (Bobby Cannavale) meet cute.  Overbearing mom tries to live through food critic daughter.  Complicated relationships, second chances... all staples of any good MFTCM. 

Snowglobe- Another loud, eccentric, overbearing family causes our heroine (Christine Milan) to dream of a perfect Christmas, the one she sees in her snowglobe.  The magic of this snowglobe whisks her into the wholesome land of a perpetual Christmas.  Turns out fantasy is way more boring than reality.  Especially when your imaginary snowglobe boyfriend shows up in real life.  Yeah, that happens.  She still finds true love. Christmas movie magic, people.  

A Very Brady Christmas  Words fail at such a wonder.  If you need to laugh and have 90 minutes to spare, I highly recommend watching it in its entirety here on Youtube.  I probably watched it with my sister for the first and only time 15 years ago and I still remember some of the lines.  Wondering if you should make the first move, ladies? "If the idiot won't ask you, ask the idiot!"  Entertainment and solid dating advice. 

All that's left to due to look up the newest offerings from these fine channels to help plan your viewing season.  Delightfulness guaranteed! 

ABC Family Christmas Movies 2013

Hallmark Christmas Movies 2013

Lifetime Christmas Movies 2013

That darn clock setting

This headline caught my attention today:

American women and having babies: Not often and early, but rarely and late http://t.co/ExCWl8e8h7
— HuffPost Parents (@HuffPostParents) October 13, 2013

Nothing in the article was surprising: The more educated (in terms of degree acquisiton) a woman is, the older she tends to be when she has her first child.  This particularly caught me eye:

"Only for mothers with full bachelor's degrees, or more, does 30 signal the start of peak child-bearing years. And only for them has there been a major change in the likelihood of having a first child after the age of 30."

The article did a good job of reporting these statistics without bias for or against a particular maternal age. I think we ladies can agree that we all have plenty of thoughts and feelings on this topic whether or not we are a mother.  And said thoughts and feelings are in a constant state of flux.

For myself, I had the "10 year plan" approach.  College, First Career Job, Marriage, Early Married Years, Babies.  That's how it fell out for me, along with all the unexpected life that comes along with best laid plans.


I barely "beat" the above statistic, having my first child a few months before my 29th birthday.  Like I said, there is nothing truly newsworthy in noting that 30 is this generation's benchmark for family life. What interests me is our generation's priorities. My priorities and the value of motherhood. And setting aside one dream for another.

I've stepped off the career track indefinitely. I wonder if I could step back in and if I'd be viable. I have some fuzzy dreams of growing myself as a writer. But for now, growing my kids' minds and hearts is definitely my aim and big dream. No, not mutually exclusive with a traditional career. But for me, for now, it is.
The one income thing?  Hard.  Stressful.  Don't want to eat Alpo at 75. We're a work-in-progress.

Still,  as I approach that all-too-soon distinction of ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE (buh, buh, BUHHHH), I look back and think I was a bit too concerned about "the checklist".

I remember thinking people who got married before finishing college were a tad bit, um, crazy.  That college degree in hand and mortgage in place before babies came was the responsible thing to do.

And while those are nice things to hold, I can speak for myself that I put security above dreams of motherhood.  I very carefully guarded my desires to be a mom for the first years of our marriage to protect myself in case they wouldn't be fufilled.

That worked out about as well as you'd expect.

I pretty much came to the realization one fateful day that that it was time to start a family, jack.  In a completely adoring way.  (I was a screaming, emotional lunatic.)

Jeremiah was on his way the next month. Never underestimate the power of tears on a husband.  (But seriously, folks.)

All of that to say that it's neat and orderly to map out your life, but it's not always so relevant to actually living it.

It's time to have a child when it's time to have a child: when a husband and wife agree before God to accept and love the child He might give them. (Insert Nike tagline here.)

So I can say to myself at the same time: "What took you so long?" and "35-ish isn't that bad."  I don't know what the future holds and I never did.

That's the thing about becoming a parent.

It changes you.  And your schedule.  That's what makes it an adventure.  It's hard.  Much harder than I imagined or can imagine still. But I believe it's worth taking.

Toddler Fashion Throwback

 Rachel, September 2013, 12 months.

Sarah, January 2011, 12 months.

I sincerely believe part of my life's purpose is having a little girl to dress.  Having sisters and seeing formerly loved preciousness on another child delights me.  I'm already giddy at the thought of putting Rachel in Sarah's Christmas outfit.  If only I could exert this mental energy on other productive tasks.  Like budgets.  Or flossing.

We went on our first field trip with a group of homeschooling friends.   Our last visit was when J was almost 2 and Sarah a few months old.  

Since I'm on a roll, here's something that lays me out in awe and gratitude.

Three 1st birthdays

I'll close now before I start chasing down "coming home in the baby seat" and ultrasound pics to compare.  You know I would in a New York minute.  Til next time ;)

Whether Broccoli or Prime Rib

As I sat at the breakfast table today, I decided to read the Message, a bible paraphrase.  Now, lest I set myself up falsely, let me disclose that more often than not my daily morning reading consists of scrolling through a newsfeed and at best reading some inspirational blogs.  Consistent scripture reading continues to be a discipline that I too often neglect.  But today, I opened to Romans 12-14  and the modern paraphrase of the truth contained struck my eyes in a new way:

Romans 13:6-9 (The Message)  What’s important in all this is that if you keep a holy day, keep it for God’s sake; if you eat meat, eat it to the glory of God and thank God for prime rib; if you’re a vegetarian, eat vegetables to the glory of God and thank God for broccoli. None of us are permitted to insist on our own way in these matters. It’s God we are answerable to—all the way from life to death and everything in between—not each other. That’s why Jesus lived and died and then lived again: so that he could be our Master across the entire range of life and death, and free us from the petty tyrannies of each other.

Which reminds me of these verses also written by Paul:

1Corinthians 10:31-33 (NIV)

 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 32 Do not cause anyone to stumble,whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— 33 even as I try to please everyone in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.

1 Corinthians 10: 31-33 (The Message) So eat your meals heartily, not worrying about what others say about you—you’re eating to God’s glory, after all, not to please them. As a matter of fact, do everything that way, heartily and freely to God’s glory. At the same time, don’t be callous in your exercise of freedom, thoughtlessly stepping on the toes of those who aren’t as free as you are. I try my best to be considerate of everyone’s feelings in all these matters; I hope you will be, too.

So maybe you've picked up on that fact that I sometimes get caught up in people pleasing and the opinions of others.  I can often be tossed about by every wave of "the best way of do everything better... now!"  Specifically as it deals with health and nutrition.

Much like the discipline of scripture reading, I want to mind my health better and the way I raise my kids to eat well and exercise.  But so often I feel a nagging sense of guilt that I DON'T think is from the Lord.  Certainly, I know my body is the vessel of His spirit.  It is a gift.

However, just as He wants me to know Him more because I love him (less out of duty, more out of love), I think he wants me to improve my health and eating habits out of this truer motivation. Not out of guilt or shame from a blog or blurb I've read.

As both a typical mom trying to navigate the perfectionistic and false ideals we've created about what it means to be a woman, wife and mother and as an 'autism' mom, I feel this extra pressure to be better about what we eat.  It's a repetitive battle, "I know I should, I know I should, I know I should."

But this little engine's not ready to climb that particular mountain today.

We're climbing constipation and withholding.  Climbing expectations and reality.  Climbing relationship buiding.  And we are gaining. We are gaining!

So when I read that little bit about "if you eat meat, eat it to the glory of God and thank God for prime rib; if you’re a vegetarian, eat vegetables to the glory of God and thank God for broccoli,"  I smiled. 

God's pleased with me whether I eat broccoli or prime rib.  Even if I eat two icing-from-a-can cupcakes and and my kids eat Cheez-Its (solely for explanatory purposes, you understand).

He's pleased with us as believers whether we eat a certain restricitve diet, or we don't.  Whether we're fit or we're not.  Whether we fit into an ever-changing defintion of "good" or not.

Because He is Good.  The Only Good.  He is God.  

And because of Jesus,  He is pleased with me.

Despite and in spite of my behavior.

So know that today.  In Christ, God is pleased with you.  Right where you are.

The Altar, the Fitting Room, and the Kitchen Sink

This weekend had me moving in and out of these spheres-- the sacred, the silly, and the mundane.  It's delightfully exhausting to be a woman, isn't it?

I loaded up with 7 other Jesus girls and headed off to the dotMom conference in Chattanooga.  We needed a new battery about 45 minutes into the trip and stopped at Chick Fil A, Starbucks, and McDonalds along the way...before lunch.  (Delightful. Exhausting. Wink.)

The conference totally went beyond any expectations our group had.  48 plus hours away from home with hotel service, dinners out, and no one but our sweet selves to care for?  Oh, yeah.  A good time was a given.

But, man.  The teaching?  The speakers brought it.  This wasn't a "let's pat ourselves on the back as good Christian women" kinda thing.  It was encouraging, but also powerful and challenging.  I loved it.

About 5 minutes into the first teaching session, I lean over to my group and announce, "Are you hearing this?"  It was the truth.  There is a collective weariness in us as women.  The Happily Ever After.  The Perfect Portrait.  And we let that get in the way of the life to which we have been called. And as Jen Hatmaker remarked, "Jesus does his best work in reality."

Here are a few of my favorite W-O-R-D-S from the weekend:

On how to be "enough" for your family: "Just show them Jesus." -Vicki Courtney

and  "God can take you on... He's stronger than your natural disposition."
-Angela Thomas

On this generation of children being raised in church: "Behaving and Tithing will not inspire our kids' loyalty (to Christ and the Church.)" - Jen Hatmaker 

That one sunk down deep.

And basically every word a man named David Thomas (co-author of Wild Things: The Art of Raising Boys) said.  Basically affirmed in me that I am raising a boy.  First and foremost.  A boy who needs to be anchored in his mom's love, understanding, and protection.  And all the stuff my family is bending over backwards to do that feels kinda out there?  It's what ALL boys need-- space and time.  Ain't that somethin'?

I'm happy to report that all 8 of us ladies made it back safe and sound, still friends, with a lot of "this goes in the vault" kinds of stories and overshares and laughter.  And a trip to the bra fitter.  G-lory.  A proper fitting undergarment will make you feel like a natural wo-man.


I love being one.  It's the best.

Here's a 3 minute recap made by Lifeway:

Precious Memories, How They Linger

J-Man and I are up doin' the 5:30 Toy Story Wake-up Ritual, so I decided to do some therapy homework and shockingly got sidetracked.  I did a bit better capturing little moments this year with Rachel through the magic of the smartphone and automatic Youtube upload. Posterity will thank me, I'm sure.  I got to go out and bargain hunt last night with a friend, so I didn't get to put her down for her last baby sleep.  So I may have just accidentally walked into her room, kinda woken her up and rocked her back to sleep.  Because I know she's not changing in any essential way, but these kind of things, like your last night as an infant, need to be banked down.  I'm nothing if not ceremonious in life's big and little occasions.

With that preamble in place, I present Rachel's First Year.  Enjoy the riveting commentary.  And Happy Birthday, Darling Rachel Girl.  You are a perfect fit.  You are so loved.

And finally...

Day of H.O.P.E. 2013

Last year I participated in the Day of H.O.P.E. (Hope Offered in a Pregnancy Emergency) with Caring Solutions Pregnancy Center in Macon, GA.  I wrote a bit about it here and here.

Caring Solutions has two locations in Warner Robins and Macon.  They are a 501c3 non-profit organization which has been helping women and families facing unexpected pregnancy in Middle Georgia since 1984 and has held over 39,000 appointments.  Their purpose is to offer the medical services of free pregnancy testing, ultrasound, and options counseling in an effort to share that HOPE is available, even when it seems like there is none. 

The Day of HOPE is being held this year on Saturday, September 21st and I am raising money to support this ministry.  The event includes a Children's Fun Run, 2 mile walk & 5K run followed by a cookout and inflatables for the kids. I will be travelling on the day of the walk/run, but am pledging to fundraise as an Encourager.

I am asking my friends, family and neighbors to sponsor me in these efforts.   Your donation will go to providing free pregnancy testing, ultrasounds, counseling and parenting classes for expectant mothers and their partners.  More than mother and child are touched by this ministry-- potentially, an entire family's destiny is altered.  I can think of few greater opportunities for good.  I am so profoundly grateful for my own family and the One who created it.  I want others to know that kind of love, too.

Will you join me?

I am asking for 5 sponsors for $5, 10 sponsors for $10, and 2 sponsors for $25 or more. I have already given to kick off this effort.  Give a little or a lot... it all matters! 

You can make a donation electronically by visiting Friends of Caring Solutions  and clicking the Day of HOPE button or Donate tab.  Checks can be made to Caring Solutions Pregnancy Center with Melissa Young in the memo line.  Message me privately for my address to mail in the check.


Thank you for your support in bringing HOPE and honoring life.

Melissa

Just One Thing

Mitch Robbins: Have you ever had that feeling that this is the best I'm ever gonna do, this is the best I'm ever gonna feel... and it ain't that great?

Station Manager: Happy Birthday.

--Billy Crystal, City Slickers

In that spirit, I present:

 Melissa's Ideas on Being Awesome at Age 34, Completely Tongue-In-Cheek

1. Health: Get with the program and starting running 5Ks like every other woman in her mid-30s.

2. Nutrition: Buy a Vitamix and make green smoothies.  All the lifestyle bloggers are doing it!

3. Body Image: Increase ab exercises from 10 situps done over 5 years to 10 done at least once a year.  Come to terms with midsection.  Lose somewhere between 1 and 30 pounds without completely abandoning chocolate. 

4. Personal Growth: Increase my blogger cache. 

5. Relationships: Have real conversations in real time.  Laugh more.  (No snark here.)

6. Housekeeping: The bathrooms.  Something about the bathrooms. 

So, I had a birthday yesterday if it wasn't obvious.  I had cake and presents and family, so I had the good birthday requirements met.  I don't have any set birthday rituals, but I have been thinking over the last few days that this birthday is the first one in a long while that doesn't bring with it some kind of change or milestone.  Without some obvious goal for the year, I started thinking about what I want to be true of this year.   I haven't come up with any definitive answers as my Ideas list suggests, but I think it involves what any major goal takes: focus and one step in front of the other.

If I'm not careful, my goal could easily become "Make Jeremiah into a 'typical' kid at whatever cost to my sanity."  I think I've been operating in that manner for the last 6 months.

It hasn't made me the most fun person you'd ever meet.

After quite a topsy-turvy ride of emotions, I do have an aim for the year.

Trust and Obey.  

That means learning to appreciate my unique situation, looking less to what the "norm" is and more to what God would want me to do.  I do think many of the above ideas are things to pursue, but not because "that's what you do" but more "that's who I want to be".

Truly, I want to be more of the person God made me to be, and less of the perfect image I've cobbled together from the constant influx of "ways to be awesome" in which I emerge myself.

If I do, that is gonna make it an awesome year. 

Just one thing.

How Our First Week Went

Well!  It went well.  Surprisingly so.  As we inched closer to the start date, I could only wonder how this would work.  Our daily summer routine was less than ideal.  How could I devote 4 hours to school work (at least, aspire to that devoted block of time) plus feed and provide basic care for my 3 young children?  I was already worn down, overwhelmed and always feeling behind in housework, and now, let's educate my child?  On paper, not a logical move.  The decision had been made, and so, I unpacked my materials, prepared for Day 1, and prayed.  And something happened.  I got up and even though I failed to beat my early riser, chose not the let that bother me.  TV stayed off, and we ate our cereal, and got the kitchen clean.  We got dressed and began at 8:30--us! 

I turned on the music CD that came with my curriculum and "Your a Grand Old Flag" began to play in the background as the we finished getting ready.  We said the pledge, and then, it happened.  God showed up.  I mean it.  We got down on our knees, Mom and kids, and thanked God for our country and the freedom to do exactly what we were doing.  And it was just right.  I hadn't planned to do that--kneel with my kids-- I was just struck by it. And it occurred to me that in all my praying over them, I had never taken that posture with them as active participants.  Lesson 1 and it wasn't even 8:45.

Our basic schedule that is evolving is begin by 9, Math concepts lesson, snack, music/movement break, read aloud, break outside, baby up and lunch, finish/review letters and math activities.  Sarah usually does the math with us and I always allow her the choice of quiet play later in the day, but she usually chooses to stay with us.  On Tuesdays and Thursdays I get to work 1:1 with J, knee to knee.  And we are doing it!  I told myself that this month would be the "training wheels" period as we learn the curriculum, its pacing, and how to modify.  But my boy is learning!  The first lessons have been on the concepts of big/small, near/far, in/out/above/under and basic patterns.  We use manipulatives to introduce the concept and these are perfect for J.  With the worksheets, we do it together, sometimes with him pointing to an answer, circling or coloring an answer.  I modify things completely his response method such as using stickers to indicate in/out on a picture instead of drawing a more complicated image.  Sure, I'd like to work up to the preferred response method, but if he can grasp the concept, that's the point!  The focus of organized lessons and activities has given structure to our days by providing an impetus to our time together.  My purpose, both to bring J further along academically and bring us into a closer sync, is being accomplished!

And I can see more clearly J's weaknesses firsthand.  Obviously, listening comprehension is a challenge.  Our first stories have been classic tales, like the 3 Little Pigs.  While we have a complete new library of picture books as part of our curriculum, these first weeks are strictly oral reading, which stretches J's comprehension and attention.  He is unable to answer a recall question but I do not doubt that with the support of visuals and repetition this will improve.  We are using an on-level curriculum, so my plan is to track along, modify and slow down and review as needed.  If we do 25 percent of a rigorous curriculum (The Calvert School), I'm happy with that.  But I think we are doing a whole lot more!

We are only 6 days in and I don't want to paint our new homeschool routine as an instant family makeover.  It's not.  But I truly believe it's the start to new, exciting days.

Woo hoo!  We're doing the thing!  Thank you for reading, encouraging, and caring! 

Happy First Days of School!

Parallel

One day until August 1st.  The beginning of the school year, and the "end" of official summer, even if it's 90 degrees until late September here in Georgia.

August 1st has been the line in the sand.  The straddled fence.  The trigger to pull.

And we are stepping over, picking a side, starting the race.

We are homeschooling. Teaching at home. Private school (for one).

Yes.  Us.   Special Needs and all.  A minority in the minority.

And yes.  I'm prepared to be pigeonholed  as a religious nut, a motherly martyr, or at least someone lacking in good sense.

I've held all kinds of ignorant assumptions about all manner of things, homeschooling included.  I get it.

But here we are.

I wasn't going to share this so publicly so soon, but the true reasons we have chosen to step back from traditional schooling for the present time cut through all the sides and stereotypes.

I have to know my son's heart.  I just have to.

As the days, weeks, and months pass by, we are moving by each other.  We are parallel.  Close in proximity.  So far from intersecting.

All my ugliness, my frustration, my selfishness, my need to be right-- it all comes bubbling up facing the big, bad autism beast.  My head understands, but my heart is so stubborn.

Even so, there's just enough of a whisper, a gentle assurance that this is the path.

It's falling into place.

We begin Monday.  Bit by bit.  Minute by minute.  I'm gonna to choose to love my son.  As Christ does.  That's my aim.  More than reading, math, life skills, therapy, anything.

Intersection.

I think that's enough to qualify me as his teacher.

The Bracelet

At a Christian conference, I recently heard Pam Tebow speak about how she raised her family.  Of all the sessions and speakers I soaked up, her story of receiving a special bracelet from "Timmy" is the take away I have with me weeks later.

Before playing in Miami for the championship game, each player was given spending money for the trip.  The Tebow men apparently are last minute Christmas shoppers, and so, Tim used this money to buy his mom a bracelet.

It was a charm bracelet, filled with orange and blue beads, his football number, and other Gator related memories.  She wore it on stage, and emphasized that since her son picked out every detail of the gift, it was priceless.  She wouldn't change a thing.

You would never change a treasured gift.

"Love (your kids) the way they came packaged."

Bullseye, Mrs. Tebow.  Ouch.

It is hard to love every bead on my kids' strings.  For each bead I cherish: compassion and friendliness, affection and gentleness; there are others I would happily exchange.  Some I'd leave off altogether.

They seem wrong. Not my style. Not what I want.

Just because something is imperfect does not mean it's not valuable.  (Right, self?)

Yesterday was a "this is not what I want" day. Today is one of those "starting over again" days.

I want to see the beauty of the imperfect.  I don't want to disregard it and hope for something better to magically appear. I want to accept my gift. I want to treasure it.   I don't always.  Today I do.

Some wonderful, some painful, some hidden-- but each piece was carefully selected.

A few days after I wrote this as a draft, I noticed this little treasure.  15 seconds of receiving grace from my son.  I want to finish a task.  He just wants to be near me.  That's a 'bead' I needed to see right now.

The Good Autism Parent and Plain Ol' Me

Both of these personas reside in me.  I became Good Autism Parent (GAP) in an instant and operate out of this persona publicly and privately most of the time.  Plain Ol' Me (POM) is not getting along with her right now.

GAP accepts the totality of autism and embraces the differences.

POM is sick of feeling needed by her son only to dole out milk and cereal. Sick of his crashing to his knees.  Absolutely done with the concept of toileting. Wonders if true independence will ever happen here.

GAP rejects the terms cure and fix.

POM just can't see the good in erratic fear.  Rigidity.  I'd take some fixing there.  Divine Healing. Anything that equals GONE.

GAP exhausts every avenue of therapy, diet, exercise and educational models.

POM wonders how to change a diet that is so severely limited.  How much fight does basic sustenance need to be?  Milk, fries, cereal.  GAP probably thinks they are akin to poison.  Maybe they are.  The best way to teach her son?  Mentally hiding in the corner there.

GAP graciously listens to stories of families like hers and seeks advice.

POM hates that I have to mention my boy is "not aggressive" as if  I was describing a housebroken puppy. Hates that I have a hard time listing his personality traits. Hates pretending that a future for him other than FULL independence is okay with me.  Cause it ain't. It just ain't.

GAP modifies expectations for milestones and holidays.

POM remarks casually to my husband that I'd just as soon skip Christmas this year and turns into someone who'd be confused with a paid mourner.  Ugly, raw disappointment stuffed over time spills out.  Eyes so heavy and painful. Sleep can only make it better.

GAP reminds herself there is immense, immediate suffering everywhere, at all times.  Her needs, in every way, are abundantly met.  Her boy can do so much.  Walk, Run, Talk, Laugh. Love.

POM is starting to realize that a proper perspective doesn't negate the reality of personal pain.  Even the first world kind.

Both love the boy with a gentle ferocity. That's all they have in common currently.

GAP doesn't want to bum anyone out.

POM walks the tightrope of honesty with you today.  I'm put out with my boy.  Annoyed, frankly.  And that's unfair of me.  But it's true.  I don't have a pretty bow to wrap up this duality.

It exists.  And admitting that is enough for today.

Eating Raisins: My Daughter's Approach to Living Life

As I've mentioned in earlier posts about J's therapy approach, we take a lot of video at home, capturing little activties designed to foster emotional connection with him and build his compentence and confidence. I was playing back this clip of us making oatmeal raisin cookies together with Sarah.  I love how video captures something that went unnoticed in the moment.  Here's 45 seconds of my daughter enjoying life.  It's hilarious.

Here's a picture of Jeremiah's 5th birthday.  I threw out the dog and pony show this year, and did a simple dinner and ice cream for us.

The elusive "perfect family picture" continues to evade me. It's my unicorn.  But here we are, looking somewhat at the camera. As well as well attired.  Because that's what really matters, am I right, ladies?

Happy Friday.  Go eat your raisins.

Birth Day Memories, Transcribed

Jeremiah's 5th birthday is Wednesday, and I realized that while his sisters' birth days were recorded here, his was not.  Before blogging, my firstborn got the expected treatment: his story was written in ink, in cursive, on fine paper in a leather journal. This excerpt was written when J was 3 months old. It's exuberant and totally, charmingly naive.  5 years later, the sentiment's still the same. 
Happy Birthday, Baby Boy.

Your delivery...

My due date of May 26th came and went. I was not worried about the date passing, but all the waiting drove your Dad crazy. The house was clean and organized; your nursery was ready; we were ready for the main event.

We made the decision to go into the hospital on a Wednesday night, May 28th to be induced to labor. My doctor, Dr. Dodder, was on duty the next day and I wanted her to deliver you.

We brought lots of snacks, movies, and all our creature comforts to the hospital. (I packed according to "The Book".  We rolled into Northside Hospital prepared for a fun lock-in. Movies? Bless my idiotic heart.) Now that we were at the hospital, your dad was more relaxed.  While he slept that first night, I tossed and turned. The sleeping medicine I took gave me strange dreams, so I didn't feel rested! The pitocin medicine began at 6 a.m. I was 1 cm dilated, which was a start because nothing was happening before we came to the hospital. Sometime around lunch my water broke. Natalie, Nana, Papa and Grandma arrived near lunchtime, too. They were excited and very talkative! I was beginning to feel my contractions more strongly at this time, so I was glad your Dad took them to lunch. My peaceful moment was short lived, because the contractions kept increasing in strength.  Dad had only been gone 20 minutes, but I was ready for him to return! (I called him and subtly hinted he needed to get back.)

About this time, I was ready for a little pain relief.  I received some medicine and felt well enough to get out of bed and rock for about an hour.  Then... the contractions felt more intense and closer together.  A friend from work stopped by, Wagner, and I chatted with him in between contractions. (Totally insane, though it kept me distracted.) I had been worried that I would lose my cool during delivery and lash out in anger, but I didn't. It simply would have required too much energy. The room was quiet and dark. Finally, I was able to receive an epidural, probably around 3 p.m. The doctor was great-- Dr. Wheeler.  He did everything quickly and efficiently. I asked him if anyone named their baby "Wheeler". Seriously, I would understand why!

After I was given the medicine, my friend Lara from church visited us. I was feeling less anxious and up for a visit.  About 10 minutes in, the nurse came in and checked my progress. I was still feeling contractions and worried the medicine didn't take on both sides. (I was "still feeling contractions." Again.  Bless.  What I elegantly told the nurse: "I feel it in my butt." Sorry if a fella reads this. Um, that's baby bearing down.  When the doctor said, "You're complete," I had no idea what that meant.) Here's the best part of the labor: it went from 0 to 60! I was fully dilated (I had only been 2 cm about an hour before). We thought we would be delivering you late at night. My reaction to the news? "I feel like I've won the lottery!"  I couldn't believe I'd fast forwarded through the long, hard wait of labor. (I guess the 9 hours before the epidural didn't register as "hard labor" at the time.) It was showtime.

My doctor was called and we did a few "practice" pushes. Lara coached me through those, which was neat and unplanned. She knew your dad and I planned to welcome you alone, so she went out to the families and acted as a go-between with updates.

Your delivery was wonderful. I believe that getting off to such a good start went a long way in helping me adjust to motherhood. The pushing seemed natural, and you were delivered quickly.  The first thing I saw was all that dark hair!  Your labor and delivery went so well that I didn't cry as most do. I think I said "awesome" as you were delivered. I was able to hold you immediately and nurse you. Again, this was easy and natural. I ate dinner as you were washed and tended to. Your Nana came in and announced, "Bring me my grandson and take my picture!"

All babies are beautiful, but you are my baby. Long fingers, skinny legs, a sweet face, and lots of hair. Every day I see you, you become more precious and beautiful. Your face is my favorite thing to look at. You have filled out now: bright eyes, chubby cheeks, a bow mouth, a heart-shaped face finished off by your pointed chin. I know I don't understand how much you've changed and added to my life.

Someone asked me if I loved you instantly. I did-- but it didn't "hit" me. It just was. I was your mother and everything about you did, does, and will bring me joy. (More true now than I could have known then.) 

I love you, Jeremiah Christopher. Welcome to the world!

Love,
Mama